I looked at her and shrugged to say it was no big deal. “Never seemed important. He tries to call or make contact a couple of times a year. He doesn’t have my cell number. My mother tells me when he calls. My office staff knows not to put him through to me.”
“So now you’re the one keeping your distance from him?” asked Dr. Winston.
“I guess.”
“Have you ever spoken to anyone about your father’s abandonment?”
I shook my head. “Never felt like I needed to. My mother did a hell of a job, and my aunt and grandparents too.”
“Your aunt, the one who died?”
I glanced at Chanel.
“Xavier, nothing we say goes any further than this room. Chanel has told me a little about you only as it relates to her and her own therapy work.”
I nodded. “Yeah, my aunt Lisa was my father’s younger sister. She and I were close and she was killed by her boyfriend. And yes, Doc, before you say it, I’m sure my reaction to Chanel’s ex had to do with my anger toward that situation.”
“I’m glad you said it.”
I allowed a small smile.
“And did you ever receive counseling for your loss?”
“Some.”
“How much is some?”
“A couple of sessions with a counselor at my high school.”
More writing in her notebook.
“It seems like we covered a lot.” Her eyes shot up to the clock on the wall. “Before we wrap up, I have one last question. Now that you understand your reaction about the abortion was your own pain, and that what Chanel did was due to her pain and where she was in her life at the time, do you still hold any mistrust toward her? Do you have any fears?”
I looked down at our clasped hands and knew my answer. I’d always known it.
“No.” I knew Chanel would be a loving and caring mother to our kids one day. I don’t know where that certainty came from, but I felt as sure about it as I did opening my first restaurant. That had been my destiny, and I was just as sure the woman sitting to the right of me was my destiny as well.
“Okay, well, the hour is up. I think we’ve made some good progress here. Xavier, if you’re interested, I’d like to meet with you again, separately, to discuss more of your past.”
“Maybe.”
Dr. Winston didn’t seem too put off by my response as she gave me a knowing smile. I stood, helping Chanel to stand as well. I couldn’t believe the hour had gone by so quickly. I’d hardly looked at the clock since I’d sat down. And to be completely honest, I did feel a little lighter when I walked out the door.
“Chanel, I’ll see you next week. Xavier, maybe you also,” Dr. Winston stated as we made our goodbyes. I quietly followed Chanel, digesting it all. I’d never really thought my feelings from my past would play out in my adult relationships, but there I was. I was glad I’d agreed to meet Chanel here.
“What’d you think?” Chanel interrupted my thoughts as we stood in front of the elevators.
“She was cool, professional, and has an easy way about her. I can see why you’ve taken to her.”
“And?” She looked at me expectantly.
“And what?”
She rolled her eyes. I grinned, loving when she did that.
“And how do you feel about what was discussed?”
“I said it in there. I still don’t like that part of your past, but I get it, and I trust you. I always did, but I guess my own shit was messing with me.”
