My hand shot up to my mouth, covering it. My eyes watered at the pain I heard in his voice. He looked out, watching the scene in the distance, and I could tell his mind was a million miles away. A hundred questions ran through my mind. I wanted to know what happened, but remained silent, knowing this was not the time to push, but to be patient.
He looked down at our joined hands. “She was my father’s sister. He never had much time for me, but ever since I was young, my aunt made it clear to my mother she’d be there to help us. She babysat me as a kid, took me to family functions on my father’s side. She even helped birth my love of cooking. She always told me she knew I’d be a success one day.
“The older I got, the more she became a friend, and someone I could go to whenever my mother wasn’t around. When I was about fourteen, she got involved with this guy. He seemed cool at first, taking me out with them to the movies or arcades and shit. I could tell he was trying to get on my good side to butter her up, but I was young and didn’t mind getting free stuff. After a while though, she stopped coming around as often. A year into their relationship, I decided to randomly stop by her crib just to visit like old times. At first, she wouldn’t answer the door, but I wasn’t leaving. I could feel something was off. When she finally opened the door, all I saw was her swollen eye. The first thing I asked was who’d done that to her. She wouldn’t tell me, but I knew it was her boyfriend, Doug. I’d never been so angry in my life. Knowing that a man had put his hands on my aunt...” he paused and inhaled.
My eyes blurred with tears and my heart began to pound as I knew where this was leading.
“At first, she broke up with him, but then he promised never to do it again. He was sweet and convincing, and she took him back. She and my mom had become friends, and I overheard my aunt telling my mom how much he’d changed and how caring he was now.
“Soon after, he moved into her place and by that time just about all communication between my aunt and me stopped. He knew I couldn’t stand him and he did everything he could to come between us. One night, not even three full months after he moved in, my mom and I got a call from my grandmother, saying Aunt Lisa was dead. They’d gotten into an argument, and in a fit of rage he pulled a knife from the kitchen and…” He didn’t finish.
“Xavier,” I whispered, stepping into him, now rubbing his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
He shook his head, looking out into the distance. “No one knew. It happened right before I changed schools and started going to private school. I didn’t tell anyone, although my mom made me see the counselor from time to time after I refused to talk to her about it.”
“No one knew? Not even Jason?”
He shook his head again.
My heart plummeted, sorrow washing over me to learn he’d carried this burden alone for so long.
“You know there wasn’t anything you could’ve done, right? What happened to your aunt wasn’t your fault.”
His jaw flexed, but he remained silent, looking out at something past my shoulder. I could tell by the look in his eyes he wasn’t seeing anything. His chestnut face filled with remorse and regret.
My heart squeezed in my chest as I searched my brain for a way to ease his pain. When I found nothing, I stepped into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his chest. I let out a shaky breath when his arms came down to wrap around me. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for his aunt and asked to provide even an ounce of the comfort he’d provided me when Anne Marie was killed. Just as I finished my prayer, my eyes popped open in realization. Still holding on to him at the waist, I leaned back to look up into his face.
Sad eyes looked down at me.
“Is that why you walked out? I mean, on me?”
He stared at me, searching my eyes for something before he nodded slightly. “That picture of you,” his face tightened. “And then seeing you sit down with the same person who’d done that. I just couldn’t...I was too angry. I didn’t even realize it had to do with my aunt until later, after talking with my mom. The thought of another woman I love being hurt like that and then going back…”
“Going back was never an option,” I blurted, somehow against the lump in my throat. It didn’t escape my awareness that Xavier had once again mentioned the wordlovewhen referring to me. But I also needed to make it clear that I never once considered going back to Ethan. That wasn’t what that meeting was about.
“I know that now, but then I wasn’t ready to hear it.”
I nodded and rubbed his stomach.
“I just need you to promise me you’ll never see him again.”
“Xavier, I already told—”
“Just say it again.”
“I won’t ever see or speak to him again,” I agreed.
He didn’t speak, but when he pulled me into him and lowered his chin to the top of my head, I knew my statement had satisfied him. We remained in that position for a long time, just breathing in unison with one another. I could feel Xavier’s torment in the unsteadiness of his breathing and his erratic heartbeat. Eventually, they both slowed down to a regular pace. I noticed that Donna and a few others were beginning to pack up some of the chairs.
“They’re getting ready to leave soon. I’ll tell Donna we’re going to go.” We had originally planned to stay until the end to pack up, but I didn’t think Xavier was in a place to help and I didn’t want to request that of him, after what he’d just revealed. But he managed to surprise me again with how much he thought of others.
“No, we can help clean up. It shouldn’t take too long.”
“You sure? It’s no big deal. I’m sure Donna will underst—” My protest was cut off by his lips. It was a quick peck, obviously done to silence me, which worked.
“I’m sure,” he stated once he pulled back, still cupping my face.
“Okay.”
