“But Skylar is not somebody you can hide, and I have no poker face when it comes to that man. If we’re together, people will know right away.”
“And that’s what you want, though, right? To be together with him?”
I let my head tilt back, closing my eyes against the bright sky, watching the orange and red and yellow behind my eyelids. “I think . . . yes? I definitely want to explore it with him.”
“Would you be embarrassed to explore that with him?”
I sat with her question for a moment. “No. I don’t think so. I’m a private person, though. And I don’t know how to be . . . this. I don’t even have the words for it yet.”
“I remember, as far back as high school, you didn’t like being caught out when you didn’t have the words.”
“Exactly. I don’t like it when people see something of mine and it’s not perfect yet. I don’t like letting people in on my work in progress.”
“Preach,” she said, holding up her fist. I bumped it, and we laughed. I was lucky to have her as a friend.
“Have you apologized to him for the freak out?”
“I did, but I don’t think it was enough. He ended up going on a drive and staying out at the property in Gruene.”
“Well, if he went to your property out there?—”
I shook my head. “He didn’t know it was mine. I only know he was there because I saw his name on the register. Comped his room and his breakfast.”
“How did he react to that?”
“He called me. Though . . . he also ran into anold friend, and who knows what the hell that means.”
She put her hands out, like she was trying to soothe a startled horse. “Let’s not drive ourselves crazy by jumping to conclusions. Especially sincehecalledyou.”
I let out a grunt. “Fine.”
“So, this call. How’d he sound?”
I mulled over my answer.
“Genuinely grateful, but cautious. Like he wanted to make sure I didn’t think he expected anything from me. And it made me realize I could hurt him if I’m not careful.”
“That’s good information. Maybe it means that you’re not the only one freaking out, especially if he has a difficult history.”
“Meanwhile, I’m this bull in a china shop, not knowing where I’m putting my damned hooves.”
She smacked my arm.
“Ouch.”
“You arenota bull in a china shop. You have always been a careful person. You would never harm somebody on purpose, and if you did hurt someone, you’d own up to it and try to do better. Why do you think Brandy likes you, even after that disastrous first meeting?”
We looked at each other and rolled our eyes. The first time I met Brandy was a doozy. I was still in the throes of my mourning over the loss of our marriage, still deeply in love with Cynthia. Brandy was a handsome, kind woman, practically the female version of me, and that’d smooth pissed me off.
My mistake was trying to hide how angry I was by acting like everything was fine. I tried to be the bigger person and invite them over for one of my steak dinners. I’d played the perfect host, and, according to Cynthia, had a deranged smile on my face the entire time. Brandy was, reasonably, a little afraid of me.
A few weeks after that disastrous dinner, once I’d gotten my bearings, I texted Brandy to see if we could meet up for coffee. She agreed, though I’m sure she was worried about what I was gonna say. Strangely enough, we’d ended up enjoying ourselves, and I’d apologized for the weirdness. She cracked up, doing a pretty bang on impression of me trying to pretend I wasn’t mad.
She’d been willing to meet me halfway through the awkward, and I couldn’t help but appreciate her effort. More importantly, the way she treated my son was as good as any parent would want.
“So, you don’t think I am a ridiculous person?”
She shook her head. “Absolutely not. You are the best man I know, and I can’t tell you the number of nights I laid awake, cursing myself because I couldn’t love you the way you deserved. I don’t know much about Skylar, other than the fact that our son loves him, and as long as he treats my best friend well, then nothing else matters.”
