“But not with someone who was worthy of loving you back,” he pointed out, rather unhelpfully, I thought.
“Seriously, shut up.”
He laughed. “Honestly, I’m happy for you. But—” He paused again, his expression thoughtful. “Do you think he’ll be able to settle down enough to consider a relationship with you?”
“I don’t know,” I whined. I let my head fall back and stared at the ceiling, questioning everything. “Is this why none of my gay friends ever want to fuck straight boys?”
“Probably. But we’ve never been one for the rules, have we?”
I curled forward over the table. “I just hope he doesn’t break my heart.”
“You hafta know that even if it doesn’t work out with him, he’ll never mistreat you.”
“True,” I said as a pang of guilt shot through me. “Shit. I’m here talking about this with you, but I can tell he would be mortified to find out we’d been talking about his sexuality behind his back. Can you . . .?”
Rowdy waved away my concern. “Of course. I won’t even say anything to Kess unless you want me to.”
“Thank you so much.”
“So . . . Did you still want to go shopping or . . .?”
“I think I’m too out of sorts for the general public. Do you mind a rain check?”
“Not at all. And I’m here if you need to talk. Feel free to come over. We can go swimming, whatever.”
“Thanks, Rowds. I appreciate it.”
We hugged and Rowdy left. I then sat down on the bed, reliving how Kit talked to me, how his hands felt on my body before everything got turned on its head. In the moment, as nervous as he was, he still knew what he wanted. He was so brave, and I wonder if maybe he needed to be reminded of that.
Looking around the tiny cabin, I also wondered if, even though I didn’t want to be with people, maybe I did need to get out and about. Both Rowdy and Woody got a lot out of staying out in this tiny cabin, but to be honest, I was feeling a little claustrophobic in here.
Some animal of some kind sounded off in the near distance, and it set my teeth on edge. I needed to be somewhere else. Maybe a ride in the car would do the trick.
Maybe I’ll stay in Austin for the night, get my head on straight.
I packed a small overnight bag with comfy clothes and my favorite skincare routine. After shooting off a quick text to Rowdy to let him know where I was going, I tossed the bag in the backseat, got into Betsy, and started driving. When I reached the highway, the big city suddenly didn’t feel right. Instead of turning right toward Austin, I went left. Driving down the Devil’s Backbone, I floored it past the entrance to the dude ranch, then took the long winding road around Canyon Lake, letting the hills and the water settle in my soul.
After a while, I ended up near Gruene. It’d been a hot minute since I’d been to the little river towns in this area, so I got out and did a little shopping, then had some dinner. The foot trafficsurprised me, though I was glad to see the commerce come here, even if it meant the secret was out on this tiny, quaint town.
As much as I thought of myself as a city boy, one of my favorite aspects of this new adventure in the Hill Country were the long drives between appointments in barely-there towns, seeing the gorgeous countryside, having a moment of quiet to myself, and space to let the thoughts land where they needed to.
It occurred to me that somebody who’d grown up between the major metropolitan areas, someone who wasn’t used to the hustle and bustle of the city, might prefer to give more consideration to their decisions, rather than being rushed. Being confronted with a new element of one’s reality probably took extra time to process.
As much as I wished Kit could just roll with it, I understood it. Even respected it.
Determined to stay out of my head until I knew where Kit was with all of this, I tried to focus on Gruene’s cute shopping district. I was doing pretty well until I passed a leather goods shop and was immediately reminded of Kit’s leather-and-outdoors scent. Running my fingers over the high-end price tags, it occurred to me that—even though he’d never admit it—Kit might take one look at my history and think I was somebody who was looking for a well-to-do rancher.
I tried not to hurt myself with my own thoughts, especially since I knew within the depths of my soul I’d never use someone in that way. Sugar daddies and sugar babies knew what was going on, and nobody was being used. In the end, it wasn’t a good scenario for me, but this thing between me and Kit was, as Rowdy pointed out, entire galaxies away from what I had with guys like Rich.
Maybe I need to make that clear to Kit.
I blinked out of my haze, realizing that it had grown dark. More importantly, I didn’t want to return to the cabin to stareat those four walls. I pulled out my phone and did a quick search for rentals in the area. Right off the shopping district was a darling little hotel with a unique setup. The property had an older house that’d been converted into a main office, along with a series of tiny homes set up as a sort of vacation community. There was a shared cooking space and fire pit, and every tiny house had a small front porch, complete with rocking chairs.
I walked into the main office to see if they had any availability, and my jaw dropped.
“Major?”
The sweet bear who’d been my safe hookup between sugar daddies was wearing a T-shirt with his plumbing company’s logo on it and was typing something up on an iPad.
