While many of my friends had similar stories, some, however, had far more traumatic burn in periods. Several tried and failed at hetero relationships while secretly questioning their sexuality—sometimes for years—before they attempted anything physical with someone of the same sex. That was especially difficult for some of my bi/pan friends, who had to work out their own personal mix of sexuality and romanticism. One friend was almost forty before realizing that, while she was pansexual, she was also homoromantic. She liked to joke that it only took two marriages and a failed roomate-tionship to figure it out.
Like Kit, a few hadn’t even considered their queerness until the opportunity presented itself. Their first encounters were often followed by days of wondering who the hell they were as a human on the planet.
Just because I’d never experienced it didn’t mean I didn’t care. Seeing Kit’s tears completely gutted me. I knew enough to know I wasn’t the problem, but I still couldn’t help but wonder if I had taken it too far. Maybe we should’ve stopped at the kiss and then proceeded more slowly. It’s just . . . sigh. I’d never been so taken by a kiss in all my life. I wanted more of those slow, deliberate kisses.
Okay, well . . . some of this probably was my fault, but then having Rowdy walk in on us was the finishing blow.
Speaking of . . .
I pulled up my phone.
Me: You can come back. Kit left.
Rowdy: I am so fucking sorry. Did I freak him out?
Me: Oh, he was already freaking out all on his own.
Me: But yeah, I assume he’s joining the Witness Protection Program as we speak.
Rowdy: Shit. Sorry for busting in like the Kool-Aid man.
Me: You’re forgiven.
Me: Hooker.
Rowdy: BRT.
A few minutes later, his tentative knock cracked me up. Rolling my eyes, I opened the door on a flourish.
“You understand that knocking now doesn’t help anything.”
“I know. But . . . I probably should have been knocking from the beginning.”
“Ya think?”
Chuckling at his guilty expression, I let him in and we sat across from each other at the tiny table. I exhaled slowly, steepling my fingers.
Rowdy started. “So . . . this was unexpected. But not.”
“That is a good way of putting it.”
When I had nothing more to offer, he asked, “How the hell did Kit end up here?”
I shook my head. “I went over to Rebel Sky for an appointment. As a favor to him.”
Rowdy said. “Does that mean Sam finally got Trip to admit there’s an issue with his shoulder?”
“Begrudgingly,” I answered. “Also, are there any secrets in this group of friends?”
“Very few,” he answered with a grimace.
“At least I got to meet Sam. He’s cool.”
Rowdy’s smile was soft. “I love Sam to death. He and Desi are a good time at brunch.”
“So I’ve been told.”
Rowdy, perhaps catching onto my short answers, clasped his hands on the table and gave me an assessing look. “So, can I assume something happened out there?”
