He shook his head. “You’re not ridiculous. You are amazing. You’re a great dad, a savvy businessman, and a good friend.”
Friend. Got it.
Shit.
I’d gone and made this a way big thing, and here he was calling me a friend.
What did you want him to call you? Boyfriend? God, you can’t even lose your cool properly.
I wiped my tears, shaking my head. I really was being ridiculous, and Skylar was being reasonable. He was being calm. So, I latched onto that calmness.
Here I was, all worried about him being too needy, and it was me who was clinging to him. He only ever said he was attracted to me, and I cringed as I remembered my conversationwith Luke, talking about how I had fallen for Cynthia from the moment I met her, and how it was similar with Sky.
I’d gotten way, way ahead of myself.
“Here. Why don’t you take a coupla breaths with me,” he said, still holding me.
I followed his cues, inhaling. Exhaling. Repeating until my tears had dried up.
“Thank you.”
Skylar smiled, so sweet. “You’re welcome.”
He leaned in for a kiss, and I automatically followed suit. It took no conscious effort at all to kiss him. It was like my brain went off-line and my body took over. I didn’t hate it.
Maybe, if I sat with the idea of us for a few days and gave myself some space?—
“Bitch, weren’t we gonna go shopping?”
I spun around, and Rowdy stood there in the front door, his mouth open in shock.
“Shit, I forgot to lock the door,” Sky said, sounding so guilty. “I am so, so sorry.”
Rowdy, for his part, schooled his face quickly. I’d always thought he was a rather unserious kind of guy, but the understanding in his eyes—like maybe he’d spied the bald panic on my face—almost made me cry again.
“Um. I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you later,” he said to Sky, carefully backing out the door and shutting it so, so softly.
Sky stood there, holding out his hands the same way I did with a startled horse.
“What do you need right now?” he asked, and his kindness twisted in my chest, painful and bright.
“I think I need to go home.”
He smiled, his eyes a little shiny. “I understand. You call me when you’re ready, okay?”
I nodded. The cabin was silent as I pulled on my socks and boots, then slid my shirt over my head. Finally, almost as an afterthought, I zipped up my pants and buttoned them. Who knows how much of me Rowdy had seen. I looked around and found my boxers, shoving them into my front pocket.
“Sorry I’m such a mess,” I whispered.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s gonna be all right.”
I fled the cabin and grabbed my hat from the Bronco’s hood, not sure if those were just pretty words, or if anything would ever make sense again.
16
SKYLAR
Well,shit. That could not have been more of a disaster. Honestly, I blamed myself. I could tell Kit was still nervous, even though he was into everything we were doing. I’d never not known I was gay, so I’d never had to question it. It had always been a part of me, for better or worse.
