I got the feeling he wasn’t talking about the horse, and my eyes dropped to the toes of my cowboy boots.
“Not to assume nothing,” he said carefully, “but that ortho of yours is awful pretty.”
“He’s not my ortho. He’s just a friend.” I bit my lip, feeling the lie on my tongue.
“You sure about that?”
I shoved my hands into my pockets and toed a bit of hay with the tip of my boot.
“Kit?” Luke’s voice was warm, without a hint of sarcasm or judgment.
Maybe . . . maybe he’d be okay to talk to.
“No, actually.” I took off my hat and rubbed the back of my head. “I’m not very sure of anything at all.”
Luke went still and said nothing until I lifted my chin and found his understanding expression.
“Kind of terrifying to admit, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I took a deep breath, and then another. Not sure why these tears were poppin’ up all of a sudden. “I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, like when I fell for Cyn.”
“I remember you saying you knew the second you met her, like somebody smacked you upside the head.”
“Truer words, my friend. I was just a kid, but I knew I wanted to love her for the rest of my life.”
“From what I could tell, you treated her like a queen.”
“I tried to. Which, come to think of it, ended up bein’ part of the problem.”
Luke drew his brows together, confusion marking his handsome features.
See? When have I ever thought a man was handsome before?
Instead of going down that rabbit trail, I explained, “We went to therapy to untangle everything after she came out to me. Best we can figure, her family was so awful she never had space to consider her sexuality. And then, because I loved her so fiercely and treated her right, she wasn’t gonna complain if sex didn’t really do it for her.”
“What do you think finally brought her around?”
“The way she explained it, it took years of feeling safe enough to explore who she was inside. So, when she figured out that she was a lesbian, she felt too guilty to come clean. Pushed it down for years before she just couldn’t anymore.”
I let out a rough laugh, thinking about how I’d thought we’d had the perfect relationship, right up until the moment she told me her truth.
Then again, what we became in the aftermath . . . well, that wasn’t so bad. I was still a lucky, lucky man.
Luke stood there patiently, letting me work through my thoughts.
“I ain’t never . . .” I let the words trail off. “I mean, I ain’t never had nothin’ against guys like you and Sky, but that never seemed to appeal, you know?”
He nodded. “Until it did.”
“Yeah.”
“Looks like it’s left you feeling a little unmoored.”
I swallowed painfully, appreciating that he’d finally given me the words to describe this feeling.
Unmoored.
Undone.
