Ren nodded, resolute. “Your dad wanted to be remembered and ‘properly mourned,’” he said, using air quotes. “But more than that, he wanted us to be okay. Major makes me okay, even on days when I’m a mess. I love him.”
I inhaled sharply and looked down at him. “You love me?”
Ren looked up at me, tears once again streaming from his eyes. “Yes,” he said simply.
Given the seriousness of the occasion, I stifled the fist pump and instead wrapped him up in a hug, whispering into his hair, “I love you, too. Even when you’re a mess.Especiallywhen you’re a mess.”
Holden watched us for several intense, silent seconds. Then his shoulders lifted and lowered on a big breath.
He took a few more deep breaths, lost in thought. Beckett approached him again, and this time Holden let himself be held. They breathed in time with one another, Beckett whispering over and over that love was a good thing.The only thing.
Holden’s emotions surged a while longer, until they bled out of his body. Beckett reached for the tissues, wiping his beloved’s tears with heartbreaking gentleness.
Then Holden turned to me. I froze, waiting.
“Thank you for taking care of my father,” he said, his voice cracking on the last bit.
“I’ll always take care of him,” I responded, looking directly into his eyes.
He must’ve seen my sincerity because he extended his hand. Surprised, I looked at his open palm, then carefully took it in mine. His smile was thin but real.
“Sorry, Major. I needed a minute, and maybe a few more after this.” He stood a little taller. “But I’m not going to get in the way of Dad’s happiness. Pops would hate that.”
It was a small miracle, I thought, watching someone with a broken heart do the work of making space for a piece of family they hadn’t expected.
“Just know that I’ll never willingly hurt him, and that as much as I love him, I’d trade that in a heartbeat for you to have your Pops back.”
Holden’s expression crumpled in slow motion as my words landed. He brought his hands up to his face, hiding the fresh wave of tears. I stepped up and pulled him toward me, and he went with the gesture, falling into my arms and then sobbing into my shoulder. I wrapped him in a hug and let him cry.
A few more dips and swells of emotion later, he pulled away, sniffling loudly as he chuckled. “Great.”Sniff-snort.“Now both sides of your shirt are soggy.”
I laughed, joined by Beckett and Ren, and pulled Holden in for another brief hug. “Totally worth it.”
He wiped his tears and turned to his father. “I can see why you love him. His hugs feel so much like Pops’s hugs, but there’s something more… serene? About him.”
Ren nodded. “I am never more at peace than when he hugs me.”
I kissed Ren’s hand, and Holden shed a few more tears, then went thoughtful. Quiet.
“Son?” Ren asked, still worried.
“You said that Pops knew you didn’t work well alone. Do you still have the note he left for you? Can I read it now?”
Ren’s brows met as he took Holden’s hand. “Do you think for a second that your Pops edited himself?”
“Absolutely not,” Holden answered, a smile playing over his lips. “But knowing Pops, he wrote it guessing that I’d eventually insist on reading it.”
“A reasonable assumption,” Ren agreed, walking around to the table behind the sofa. Opening one of the drawers, he fished out a plain white envelope and handed it to Holden. “Consider yourself forewarned.”
CHAPTER 26
ren
Holden carefully raised the flap of the envelope and drew out the pages. He sat on the couch to the left of the fireplace and unfolded the delicate paper, which bore the signs of how often I’d read and reread it.
“Just so you know, I’ve scanned it electronically. Even if the paper disintegrates, I’ll always have his words,” I said, gesturing for Major and Beckett to join us. Major and I took the couch to the right of the fireplace, and Beckett sat next to Holden, craning his neck to read along.
Major slipped his arm around my waist, watching as Holden and Beckett grimaced and laughed through the letter.
