I gestured for him to come in, and he walked straight to me, throwing his arms around my broad waist and burying his face in my chest.
Thank fucking Christ.
I closed the door and followed his lead, wrapping him up in my arms. “You okay?”
“No. I’m sad and lonely, and I miss you, and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it. I just know that I can’t keep ignoring how I feel.”
I let out a breath I might have been holding since I read his text. “I’ve missed you, too.”
He squeezed harder, still avoiding eye contact. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?”
“Of course.”
Silently, we made our way up the stairs. Halfway up, Ren froze. “Shit. Leo.”
I shook my head. “Love is visiting the ranch, and Leo went out there to meet them.”
He grimaced, his fingers gripping the banister like he was worried he’d fly off. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be…”
“You’re not being anything,” I said, kissing the top of his head as we arrived at my bedroom door. “You need comfort, and I want to give it to you. That’s all this has to be.”
Please let it be more.
He made a plaintive sound as he smashed his face into my shoulder, and I tried very hard not to be too hopeful about it.
He took off his sweater, and I realized that not only was he wearing pajamas, the pants were on inside out. I didn’t comment. I simply crawled onto my big platform bed and pulled back the covers so he could join me. He stepped out of his slippers and dove in, shuddering as he wrapped himself around my side.
After a moment, he took a deep inhale and let it out. He repeated the pattern a few times, and eventually some of the tightness left his body. That filled me with more pride than any of our sexual encounters ever had. Even without my prowess on display, Ireveled in the fact that he could relax against me. Better—or worse, it was too early to tell—we both needed it.
Soon his breathing evened out, and he fell asleep. I fell right after him.
I woke up to a warm hand squeezing my pec. That didn’t seem right, so I cracked an eye open, remembering belatedly that Ren had texted me in the middle of the night.
I gently palmed the back of his head, and he blinked awake, automatically giving my chest another gentle squeeze.
“Good morning,” I said, my voice extra gravelly from sleep.
He paused, his eyes meeting mine before drifting to my chest. “Good morning,” he responded, pulling his hand away. “Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have?—”
I cut him off. “I like it when you touch me.”
“I know, but…”
“You think we shouldn’t,” I answered for him, my heart breaking a little.
He rested his forehead on my chest. “There’s should, and then there’s the fact that I’ve been needing this for a very long time. I don’t know how to make it make sense, but I also don’t know how to stay away from you. Sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I’m just afraid that, in the end, what you and I need are two very different things.”
“What do you need?” Ren asked, running his nose along the crease of my armpit.
“I’m hesitant to say, because the last time I tried, you sent me away.”
“I’m sorry.” He snuggled in closer to me. “But I’m here now. Please tell me what you need. I want to hear it.”
I held him close, considering my words as hope flapped its battered wings.
“You can tell me anything,” he said, squirming to get just that much closer.
