I’ve been working on managing my tendency to faint at the sight of large amounts of blood. It’s been mostly working in the real world, but remembering the sticky sensation of my mom’s blood on my shoes still gets me.
Oh fuck. I lean forward, vomiting breakfast.
So. Yeah. Still a ways to go.
Too embarrassed to look anyone in the eyes, I hold up my hand as I rise to my knees. “I’m fine. Just, you know, my brain being overly dramatic.”
A canteen gets pushed into my hands, and I take a drink, swishing the cool water around my mouth before spitting it out and taking another drink, swallowing this time.
Javier’s large, capable hand finds its way into my field of vision, and I take it, letting him help me up. Still avoiding eye contact.
“Sorry, guys,” I babble. “I just…this happens sometimes. Super rare, I promise. I’ll be fine.”
Embarrassed, I check on Ant, who I’ve probably traumatized for life. Thankfully, he only looks a little worried as he gives my arm a comforting pat.
“Sorry, buddy.”
“I’m okay, Levy. I know stuff with the accident comes up sometimes. Literally,” he says, chuckling as he thumbs a gesture over to the mess I’ve left on the ground.
“Accident?” Javier asks, stepping in front of me, his heavy hands landing carefully on my shoulders.
Avoiding his eyes, I check on Domino, who’s now on the other side of the paddock, and…yeah. There goes whatever progress we’ve made with him. That becomes a little less important when Javier gently massages my shoulders while smelling like leather and the Central Texas heat.
“You okay?” Javier asks, concern in his eyes. “Tell me about this accident.”
I stitch my brows together, realizing I assumed he would know. As if he were already a fixture in my life and this detail is something I’d have told him a long time ago.
But there is no long time ago. No permanent anything.
“Um, yeah,” I say, sending an apologetic look to Charlie. He’s got his arm around Ant and sends me his chill-it’s-okay gesture. “Parents were dropping us off at college, and yeah. Ran into the back of an eighteen-wheeler. Me and Bram lived. They didn’t.”
I chance a look into Javier’s eyes only to catch the hurt lancing across his expression. As if the loss of my parents somehow impacts him too.
I rush to explain, “My neck normally doesn’t bother me, but if I haven’t slept well or I’m stressed out, it can flare.”
It still shocks me how sharp the memory of that day continues to be all these years later.
“Does the pain take you back?” Javier asks, a little too perceptively.
I clench my jaw, which sends another bright stab of pain down my neck and shoulders. “Yes, it does.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, continuing to gently massage my neck.
Stifling a groan and the urge to shake my head, I keep my answer simple.
“No.”
Thankfully he doesn’t press the issue.
Charlie, who knows I don’t like to belabor these incidents, has walked off a little way and is talking with Ant. Javier takes a few deep breaths, and I follow along, letting his presence soothe me. I usually handle the recovery on my own, and it’s surprisingly nice to have someone help me through it.
A few minutes later, Charlie and Ant walk up to us, smiling. “I think we’ve got a solid plan of action,” Charlie says, looking proud.
Ant grins, practically giddy about the opportunity to show off his horse-whisperer skills.
“Just call me Sparrito.”
Little Sparrow.
