I’ve been helping Ant with the horses this week, and I can see why they are so healing. Watching Levy work with person after person, using the horses to help people see what they need to see in themselves…it’s amazing.
The session I liked the best was the one with the group of high schoolers. Not going to lie, teenagers these days scare the shit out of me, but all the teenagers in this group have been through something difficult. A difficult health diagnosis, abuse, tragedy, and yet, none of them seemed despondent.
Better still, Levy’s whole vibe—the way he is so adamantly himself—seemed to infuse everyone with a sense of peace. Weird, since conventional wisdom would paint a heavily tattooed, heavily pierced man as intimidating. Levy’s not intimidating though. He’s just himself, and being himself allows other people to be themselves around him. It’s pretty fucking effective.
I also got Ant to give me more details on the accident that killed Levy and Bram’s parents. I recognize this work Levy’s doing for what it is: a deep desire to do good in the world with a healthy dose of survivor’s guilt.
He’s got this humble self-assuredness about himself, but there is an undercurrent of…need. He needs something he’s not getting. He admitted as much the other day when he said he wanted a relationship. I’m guessing he doesn’t want anyone to see how badly it hurts to not have what he needs, but I do.
It’s Sunday morning, and I show up at Levy’s place early. He stayed here last night, and I missed him and his sweet smile this morning.
His Airstream trailer is awesome, and I understand Nacho is the one who did most of the renovation work on it. Levy mentioned he wants to take Nacho’s upgrades to the next level, starting with a deck.
He wants to make it comfortable to be outside, which in Texas means he’ll be adding the same water misting system the ranch uses. I pull up, and he’s already leveled the ground and is about to mark out the footprint of the deck, with the supplies for the project off to the side.
“Hey there, stranger,” I call out, walking up to him, heroically keeping my hands to myself.
“Hey.”
Shoving his hands in his jeans pockets, the need that resides under his painted skin is visible in his pretty eyes. The way they silently plead for relief fires up every carnal instinct in my body.
Before meeting Levy, I’d used the word needy to describe somebody who was pathetic or unable to provide for themselves. I now see I was wrong.
Levy’s needs are like my very own wish list. He longs to love and care for someone and to be cared for in return, and after spending this week watching him work, an absolutely insane part of my soul has become desperate to give it to him.
It’s a ridiculous notion, of course. I’ve been roaming the countryside for so long that I can’t imagine being tied down. I need my space, and yet…something tells me that taking care of Levy would feel like cool shade on a hot summer day.
Calmate, pendejo.
Like I said. Ridiculous.
Even as I’m chiding myself for my overblown notions of the impossible, I’m struck by the way the morning sunshine lights up his unkempt hair and makes his amber eyes sparkle.
“Coffee?” he asks, holding up a jug the size of my head.
“Sure. Do you have cream and sugar?”
“I’ve already mixed it in,” he admits sheepishly.
I pour myself a cup, and when it hits my tongue, I let out a groan that colors the edges of his ears.
“That is some damn good coffee.”
“Glad you like it. Ant would double the cream and the sugar, but I figure the rest of us want to keep our teeth.”
“I appreciate that,” I murmur, taking another delicious sip.
We take a moment to enjoy our coffees and then start marking out the footprint of both decks, setting up string around each footprint to ensure a level deck.
When we’re done with that, Levy wanders off to the side, scratching his head.
“Something not right?”
“No, the deck is fine. I, uh…nah, it’s too much.”
“What’s too much?”
He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his back pocket. Stepping in close, I peer over his shoulder. It’s a simple shower design.
