I rub my face with my free hand. “Yeah, well, maybe I’m too tired to pretend. But talking about it is useless. I’m never gonna put him through all of this, which makes it dumb to even contemplate.”
“That’s weird,” Thane says, humor in his voice. “How old is Odd?”
I’m not sure I understand the purpose of the question, but I answer him. “Thirty-two. Almost thirty-three.”
“Oh, so he’snotunderage. And he’s not just barely old enough to order a beer at a local bar. He’s awhole-ass adult. Fully grown and actual.”
Jackass. “What’s your point?”
“My point is this. If you want to talk to Odd and he doesn’t want to talk to you, then he doesn’t have to. But if you go and decide for him that he doesn’t even get the chance to speak with you at all, then…well, nothing ever gets better.”
“Fuck, Thane. I didn’t want an object lesson today. Maybe I should have talked to your boyfriend instead.”
“No. You’re not waking him up again.”
“Fine.”
Thane laughs. “He wouldn’t have given you a different answer anyway. But I’m glad you know you can call me.”
I let out an annoyed breath, rubbing my knee. “I just wanted to tell you that I had the urge to call him, but I decided to be smart and instead called you. Jury’s out on whether that was decent reasoning.”
“Hey, man, just because I’m down to listen to you doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you pretend you don’t have feelings for him. That never works anyway.”
I hear a muffled, “Damn skippy,” in the background.
“Sorry, Thane. I’ll let you get back to your man. Thanks for listening.”
“I’m happy to do it, DB. You never have to apologize to me.”
We hang up and the pain in my knee has settled down to a dull throb, the pill starting to kick in, though not quite enough. I need ice.
Annoyed that I rejected Parker’s idea of putting a mini-fridge in my room, I reach over for the walker under my bed. I unfold it and set it on the ground, that action alone is breathtakingly painful. I wait until the dizziness passes, then sit up and shift my feet to the floor. My knee protests, but I stand anyway, leaning on the walker as I hook my water bottle on the bar.
I don’t want anyone to ever see me like this. Shuffling like an old man, I make it over to the kitchen, refill my water, and grab two ice packs from the freezer. After carefully making my way back to bed, I resettle my knee over the supportive pillows then layer the ice on top.
Fuck it, I’m taking another pain pill.
9
Odd
“DeShaun?” I glance at the clock, it’s a little after four a.m. He’s on FaceTime, but the screen is black, so I start getting out of bed, assuming it’s an emergency. I decide that the sweats and T-shirt I fell asleep in will have to do.
“Why did you cut off your hair, Odd?”
His question is an arrow to my heart, made worse by his soft voice.
Not soft. Sad.
I sit back down on the side of the bed. “DeShaun?”
“I had a nightmare earlier, and I wanted to talk to you, but I called Thane instead.”
“Why did you call Thane instead of me? You could’ve called me.”
He inhales deeply. There’s a strange pause, and then he exhales twice as loud like maybe he forgot that was part of the equation. “DeShaun, you’re kind of worrying me.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry. I took a sleeping pill like five hours ago, but it wore off, and my leg got all jammed up in my blanket, so I took two pain pills, and now I’m feeling better. Sad, but better.”
