“Wait. They threw away Dylan?” He nods, and I reach out, grabbing his hand. “I’m so sorry, DeShaun. That’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard.”
His eyes veer to our joined hands, then to my face. I smile, an invitation. He wavers, inhaling deeply as his thumb brushes my palm. Slowly, he retracts his hand from mine. “I, uh…I actually prefer DB if you don’t mind.”
I give him a short nod and pull my hands into my lap. Signal received. Maybe next time. “Oh, of course. Apologies.”
He straightens his shoulders, his eyes downcast. “No worries. I guess we better give this guy back his office, no?”
“Um, sure.”
We end the night awkwardly and I return to my barracks with a small spot of grief in my chest for a man who lost so much.
That night isn’t the only near-miss in our overlapping careers, but it is the one that sticks with me. I blink away tears, touching a spot on my ribs. I look up, and Anders is watching me, curious.
Just as I’m redirecting my focus to the screen in front of me, a notification goes off on my phone and every head snaps in my direction. Grindr, in case you don’t know, has a very distinct notification sound. It’s got an almost innocent quality to it, like a happy, quick xylophone, which makes it dirty as fuck. And that my phone is the one emitting this sound makes me want to smack my brother for suggesting it.
My face flushes, and I frantically hit several buttons until it goes quiet again. DeShaun looks like he’s going to rip my phone from my hands and throw the damn thing into the sun. His face shifts to neutral and he starts playing with his cane.
Now that we’ve worked out the details of the op and gotten unanimous approval for it, Thane turns to DeShaun. “I believe you have an announcement, correct?”
He shifts in his seat, shooting me a look.
Standing awkwardly, he leans a little heavily on his cane. “As you all know, I started my business without any intention of doing wet or mercenary work. But then I began to see a lot of fucked-up shit. And it started to make me feel like a bystander, watching people get injured. Which is where y’all came in. I think you know that I take this seriously, even though I don’t like that we have to do it.”
He pauses, giving everybody a chance to listen to his words.
“Given the success of my network security business and the scope of my responsibilities in the Dallas office, I will be turning over the official management of this team to Thane. This is still my organization, and Thane and I will work closely to make sure everyone has what they need and we are making good decisions. But the day-to-day running of the team, including most operational meetings, will be managed by Thane. While I’ll be apprised of the goings-on, you will work independently, unless you need something from me.”
6
DeShaun
I’m met with a quiet room after my announcement.
“We’ll miss you in these meetings, hoss,” Anders says, and it fucks me up to see sadness in that man’s eyes.
It’s the right thing to do, but it feels good to know that people will miss my presence. When everything both physical and mental is a struggle, it’s easy to forget that people care what happens to you.
I wrap up the meeting as quickly as possible and settle a few more items as everyone begins to file out of the room. Now that the emotional bit is out of the way, I have plenty of time to contemplate the fact that the man I’m crazy about is going to be getting naked with someone else, probably tonight.
And he’s lingering.
Biting his lip and shifting on his feet, Odd finally meets my eyes. Without all of that hair around his face, his eyes take center stage. I could look into them all day long. I could…
“Are you doing this because of me?” he asks, his voice soft.
I shake my head, attempting to focus. “Doing what?”
“You know what. Leaving the team.” He shifts again, putting his hands on his hips, which only serves to remind me how it felt to grab him and grind up against him, how he kisses like it’s his last mission on this earth…
“Well?”
I blink and exhale, pretty much reduced to autonomic body functions. “I…um.” I take a deep breath and face him. Then take another one because his lips make me lose my train of thought. “I’m not leaving the team; I’m just not directly managing it anymore.”
“Whatever. Is it because of me?”
Yes.
No.
