Hearing the pain in his voice tells me that not only is this personal for him, but it also shows me in no uncertain terms how much I’ve hurt Ronan. I can’t fucking stand it. I want to get in the car and drive out to the condos right now and do whatever it takes to make him stop hurting.
As if reading my mind, Odd grabs my arm. “But what you’re not gonna do is go off half-cocked with some declaration that you haven’t even thought through. Go home, sit your ass down, and think about what you really want. And think about the words you’re going to use. Don’t just tell him how you feel because you don’t want to feel guilty. Tell him how you feel because you want to build something with him.”
His words hit me square in the gut. If I want Ronan, I’ve got work to do.
9
Ronan
It's been three days since Thane railed me, and not a peep from him. I wish I weren't so disappointed, but…I am. And I’ve been sitting here, exhausted from a lack of sleep, trying to figure out if I’ve ever felt shittier in my entire life.
Nope.
Pretty sure royally fucking up my first op and letting Thane raw dog me on the same day takes the cake.
Super low point.
I pick up my phone to call Heath, maybe set a time to go hang out with him, Roly, and the girls, but I hesitate. Last time he saw me, I was being pathetic about Thane, and I don't think that I can let him see me be pathetic about Thane again. Just as I'm about to put down my phone, a text comes in.
Unknown number:Hey, it's Sam.
Ronan:Sam! I haven't chatted with you since everything went down. How’re you doing, man?
Sam got caught up in the last op. He was hooking at a nearby rest stop when the two assholes who’d been killing sex workers picked him up. Omar and Anders got to him in time, but not before the men who’d taken him had run a razor blade across his pretty face. Mama and Papa Bash pretty much adopted him and insisted he stay with them at the vineyard while their house is rebuilt. I save his details to my phone while I wait for his reply.
Sam:I’m ok. The Bashes are great, but everything feels a little weird.
Ronan:Yeah, that makes sense. What's it like at the vineyard?
Sam:It's actually nice.
Ronan:Duh, it's a vineyard.
Sam:It's just…a different life than what I'm used to.
Sam:slower
Sam:That's actually why I'm texting you. The Bashes are going out of town for the weekend and MB suggested that I invite you out.
I’m assuming that MB stands for Mama Bash. It’s cute. That said, his ask makes me nervous.
Ronan:This is just friendly, right?
Ronan:I'm not assuming anything, but I've just been through the ringer, and…
Sam:Oh, dude, preaching to the choir. I don't really…
The three little dots appear and disappear for a few minutes.
Sam:Maybe this makes me a bad whore, but I can't even think about anything like that right now.
Sam:It’s just…the Bashes are super great, but they’re also like 50 years older than I am.
Ronan:I’m 32. You sure that’s not too old?
Sam:Shut up. I’ll take what I can get.
Ronan: Same. And a weekend out at the vineyard sounds kind of amazing.
