I shrug. “I think that’ll take him some time to accept. But I didn’t help things when I went storming over there like some blowhard trying to tell him how to do his job.”
Odd grimaces, and that just confirms how much I’ve fucked this up.
I clink my beer against his. “Yeah, well...”
His eyes widen. “Oh…did something happen?”
I spin the chilled mug of beer in my hands, avoiding eye contact like it’s my job. “It’spossiblethat we went at each other like a couple of sex-starved assholes.”
His jaw hits the floor for a solid ten-count, and then he begins laughing so hard that tears ring his eyes.
“Jackass,” I say, swigging my beer.
That makes him laugh harder, but eventually, he quiets down. Even though he’s still got a jackass grin playing on his lips.
“Fine,” I say with a beckoning gesture. “Give it to me.”
He chuckles, but wrangles it in quickly. “Nah, man. I was thinking that it at least answers your question of whether or not he forgives you for the whole leaving in the middle of sex thing.”
Doubt it.
“I don’t know if that actually counts as forgiveness. We just… The two of us together are a chemical reaction. I thought it meant something this time, but as soon as we were done, he practically pushed me off him, like he couldn’t get rid of me fast enough.”
That dims Odd’s smile, and he picks at his beer bottle, thoughtful. “He’s probably feeling pretty vulnerable, don’t you think?”
I raise a shoulder, unconvinced that’s the entire answer. “Sure. But it was weird. It was like he was into it, but when we were done, and I was kissing my favorite place on him—”
Sticking out his tongue, he draws back his chin as he waves both hands. “Eww, I don’t need the play-by-play.”
“Shut up. I meant his collarbones,” I say, punching his shoulder as that sinking feeling in my gut overwhelms me all over again. My voice is a little rough when I continue. “And then it was like he was a completely different person.”
Odd scrunches up his face. “Like a trigger?”
“I don’t…think so? I mean, I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think he has PTSD.”
Odd chews the edge of his thumbnail, pensive. After a beat, he asks, “Do you know if anything happened to him, hurt him in between knowing you before and now?”
The thought alone is devastating, but nothing in his file indicates it.
“Not that I’m aware of. And I’m ashamed to say that I have definitely sorta stalked him on social media. I think I would have known if something had happened to him. Because I swear to you, if anybody ever hurt that man—”
“I’m gonna stop you right there,” he says, holding up his hand. “Because I don’t want you to implicate yourself on anything in the future, seeing as we already have a couple dozen witnesses around us.”
I look around sheepishly and shake my head.
“You never know, is all I’m saying. DB has triggers,” Odd says, bowing his head as he fiddles with the napkins. “But he hides them very well.”
God, I wish those two would just bone and get it over with. Still, I’m surprised to hear that DB has shown any of that to Odd. He’s shared a few things with me because I’m his second in command, but…he must be very good at hiding his triggered behavior. I take a moment, looking at it through that lens.
“I just…Ronan was good with all of the kissing, until just after.”
Odd grimaces, but I push on.
“It was like as soon as we finished, and I’m there, kissing my sweet spot like always, he turned to stone.”
My fingers curl at the memory of his body stiffening up under me.
“Maybe he doesn’t like to be kissed there.”
