“What exactly did he say?”
“He said, ‘Let’s not do this again.’ And then he practically begged me to stop asking for sex because he can’t say no and I’d showed up at his house and started stripping before checking to see if his kidlets were around.”
“Dude, not cool,” said the pilot.
I look up and most of the group are nodding their heads.
“Hey, I thought y’all weren’t supposed to be nonjudgmental. I thought this was the fucking trust tree?”
“It is, but you’ve gotta be considerate of the fact that the guy has kids. You can’t just pretend that they don’t exist. Also, way to be super dramatic about a guy setting a reasonable boundary, especially if he’s begging you to stop what sounds like hurtful behavior. That’s not hate, the last time I checked.”
“Excuse me? I’m notthatdramatic,” I say, touching my fingers to my chest. The snorting and laughing around the circle says otherwise.Jerks. “And I love the shit out of his kids. They’re amazing young women, and we get along like a house on fire. I just… didn’t think about them that one time. I was hurting and I needed him.”
Oooooh, shit.
There’s the really dirty truth.
Guess I’m just laying out my shivs for e’ryone to see.
The silence in the group confirms it.
I hold up my hands. “Yeah, I heard it. And now y’all all know that I’m a grubby, needy idiot who needs to be hate-fucked and can’t just be happy on his own.”
The young guy in the chair—Aidan, that’s his name—bites his lip, then asks, “Why do you need to be hate-fucked? I mean, don’t you deserve to be love-fucked?”
A titter goes around the circle, and the kid blushes.
Benning looks at me. “It’s a valid question. Also? It’s not needy to want to be with someone, even if that’s not something you’d considered before.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Everything about me feels wrong and stupid, and I just wish that I could go back to, you know, beingme.”
Though, considering my recent thoughts on the subject…
“And you think that being with someone, or wanting to be with someone, means that you can’t be you.”
“Well, he’s certainly not going to let me fuck half the tri-county area.”
That kind of line is usually good for a laugh, but the eleven mirrors around tonight’s circle aren’t laughing.
Eye patch guy shrugs. “Eh. That’s what polyamory is for.”
I shudder and rub my chin against my shoulder.
“Oh, you don’t want to share?”
I shake my head and bring my feet up to the chair seat, wrapping my arms around my knees.
Pilot gal asks, “Sweetie, why are you acting like someone just kicked your puppy?”
I let out a snort. “Somebody tries to kick my puppy and I will murder them, full stop.”
One guy nudges the gal next to him. “Holy shit. Roly just said something unkind and kinda dark.”
The circle laughs and everyone gives me a golf clap.
Snarky assholes.
Benning holds up his hand, still kind of laughing to himself. “So, let me get this straight. You’re figuring out that you want to be in a relationship—a monogamous relationship—and it’s…”
