“You’re right,” Finn said quietly. “I’m not being fair. I don’t want to push you into something you aren’t ready for or worse, something you don’t want, so if you need time to process, I understand.”
“Thanks.” Joe drew in a shuddering breath. He really didn’t think that being second best in Finn’s life wasn’t going to be enough, and the new guy would probably do his damnedest to push Joe out, anyway. But he couldn’t bear to hurt Finn, so it was better if they just gave things distance and time. Finn would have the man he loved, and Joe… well, he would know that Finn was happy.
He stood up, stepping out of the tub and reaching for a towel, wrapping it around his waist. “I guess I’m not in the mood for a bath anymore.”
Finn stood and regarded him somberly. “You want some space?”
“Yeah.” Joe ran a hand through his hair, still not meeting Finn’s eyes. “Just… I’m still your friend, right? No matter what?”
“Of course you are.”
At least Joe would have that, cold comfort though it would be. “Thanks.”
“Okay, well, I’m going to get my stuff and head out. If you need anything…. If there’s anything I can do… I’ll be here.” Finn leaned in and brushed a kiss against Joe’s cheek, and then he left Joe alone in the bathroom.
Joe stood still, listening to the sounds of Finn in the bedroom. He heard Finn getting dressed and collecting his things, followed by the sound of Finn’s footsteps going down the stairs. Finally he heard the door to the garage open, then close, and the sound of Finn’s car heading away. Away from Joe and toward the man Finn loved.
Even though he’d always known this day would come, nothing could have prepared Joe for the pain of it. He slowly walked into the bedroom, seeing the mussed sheets where Finn had lain, waiting for him. The promise of shared pleasure, of holding the man he loved, was now nothing but a memory, Joe turned, walking out of the room and down the hall. He couldn’t bear to sleep in the sheets that smelled of Finn, knowing that Finn loved someone else, hadchosensomeone else to share his life with. Instead, he opened the door to his guest room, walked over to the bed, and laid down on the mattress, curling into a ball as he gave in to his misery at last.
He’d lost the only person in the world who really mattered, and while Joe had never told Finn he was in love with him, somehow that didn’t make it hurt any less.
