“Fine, so make it a leprechaun.” Finn wormed his fingers beneath the waistband of Joe’s boxer briefs and eased them down along with the cargo pants.
“Only if you kiss me arse,” Joe said in a lilting brogue. “How about it?”
“You act like I’ve never done that and a hell of a lot more to your ass,” Finn said, his voice laced with amusement.
Joe grinned. “Too true.”
With Finn’s help, he got out of the rest of his clothing—boots thudding on the tile and shedding sand. When he was finally bare Finn urged him into the tub, and he sank into the hot, scented water with a sigh of relief. “This feels great.”
“It’s going to feel even better once I get my hands on you,” Finn said as he knelt at the end of the tub behind Joe’s head. He slid his arms around Joe’s shoulders and leaned forward, releasing a quiet sigh that ghosted past Joe’s ear. “I’m really glad you’re back,” he said softly. “I missed you.”
“Did you?” The question was out before Joe could stop it, but he said it softly, so he hoped Finn wouldn’t take it as a criticism. “I know you were busy with the DC assignment, and your new trainee.”
“I was, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about you or miss you.” Finn fell silent and absently nuzzled his nose beneath Joe’s ear. “Although, I wasn’t celibate either,” he said at last.
“I sort of figured that out.” Joe closed his eyes, letting himself float a bit. No doubt Finn was going to tell him about his hook ups during the past month, just like he always did. A part of Joe never wanted to know about what Finn did with other men, so that he could pretend Finn was his and his alone, but he always listened, to remind himself that he had no real claim on Finn’s heart. Oh, Finn loved him as a best friend, but Joe knew Finn wasn’t really in love with him and needed more than Joe could give.
“It’s the guy I’ve been working with,” Finn said. “Drew Martin. You might’ve heard him mentioned as Joker. He’s from Lawson & Greer.”
Another merc? Joe turned his head to look at Finn in surprise. Finn didn’t hook up with guys from work because it could easily get awkward once Finn’s interest waned and he moved on. Finn normally used a dating app, or stuck to people he met socially. For him to have changed his mind about someone from work was unusual. And disturbing. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” Finn went quiet again, and he tightened his arms around Joe. “He started flirting as soon as we met. I thought he was a player, you know? That we’d have a good time, and that would be it.”
Joe heard what Finn said, and also what hedidn’tsay. His stomach twisted, because he
had an idea where this was leading. “But it wasn’t.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Finn said. “I haven’t had chemistry like this with anyone since you, so I’ve been enjoying it.”
“Oh.” Joe fell silent, unsure what to say. This had never happened before. He normally didn’t have a lot to say to anyone but Finn, but now words failed him completely. Did Finn want his blessing? Or was he going to tell Joe the two of them were over, he was being replaced with this new guy? What could anyone say when the person they loved met someone new?
Finn drew in a deep breath. “So I was wondering if you’d be okay with me seeing him,” he said, a hopeful note in his voice.
So it was a blessing Finn wanted, and probably for Joe to bow out so that this Joker could take over Joe’s place—apparently former place—in Finn’s life. There was a sick, jealous part of him that wanted to say no, but when it came down to it, Finn’s happiness mattered. Apparently more than his own.
“You don’t need my permission,” he said, his voice a bit ragged. “I’ve never tried to control you, and I don’t own you. Do what you want, with who you want. Just like you always have, right?”
Finn went still. “I know you’d never try to control me, but yeah, I do need your permission. You’ve been okay with me having the occasional fling, but this is different. This would mean sharing my time and attention more than you’re used to.”
“I want you to do whatever makes you happy.” Joe closed his eyes, again, wishing this entire thing was just a bad dream. “If that means you want him, I’m not going to stand in your way.”
“That’s not….” Finn blew out a sharp huff. “Look, I know it may be selfish and greedy, but I want both of you. Is there any way that can happen?”
“You already talked with him about this?” Joe felt his heart breaking. Somehow, he’d gone away for a month and his whole world had somehow tilted on its axis.
“I told him about you,” Finn said. “He knows how important you are to me. We haven’t made any promises or arrangements because I wanted to talk to you first.”
Joe sat up, pulling away from Finn but not turning around. He wanted to get out of the bath and run, because this was not what he wanted to be hearing. How could Finn spring this on him cold? How could Finn expect him to welcome losing what bit of Finn Joe actually had? Maybe this was Finn’s way of letting him down easy. Get Joe to share time, and slowly Finn would spend more and more time with the new man, and Joe would be left with nothing. All this for a guy Finn had only met a month before?
“Sounds like you’ve already decided what you want. Me… I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it—not like this, but I guess a part of me always knew you’d fall in love with someone else someday.”
“Does that mean you don’t even want to try?” Finn asked, sounding far more subdued than Joe had ever heard him be before. “I don’t want to choose, Joe. I’ve got enough room in my heart for both of you.”
Finn didn’t deny being in love with this new man, and the pieces of Joe’s heart shattered completely. “If you’re in love with this guy, you probably really want to be with him. I can’t imagine he’d want to share you, either. Put yourself in my place, Finn. What if I had come back from Pakistan, hauling some stranger in and telling you I was in love with him, but that I still wanted to have sex with you? How would you feel?”
Finn shifted to sit on the ledge of the tub, facing Joe, and he raked his fingers through his hair. “I… can’t answer that,” he said. “I don’t know how I’d feel. I’d want you to be happy, and I don’t want to be hypocritical, but….” He spread his hands and shrugged. “I don’t have an answer for that.”
“But you want me to give you one.” Joe couldn’t look at Finn, because he didn’t want Finn to see the agony he knew must be reflected in his eyes. “And I can’t.”
