Hunter wasn’t sure how to answer her, but now that Mark was gone, Jen probably knew him better than anyone else. Except maybe Payne. “It’s complicated. Until I’ve managed to work through my issues, I’m not sure I’m a good bet for anyone. Payne knows I’m still screwed up, and he’s a natural caretaker. I’m not going to read more into it than that.”
“Uh-huh.” Jen gave him a knowing look. “Well, I’ll vet him over dinner tonight. If he passes, you have my permission to complicate your life.” She squeezed his fingers again, her expression becoming serious. “Don’t use what happened as an excuse to cut yourself off. You deserve to be happy and loved. Mark would want that for you.”
Hunter bit his lip, as his vision blurred. It meant a lot to him for her to say it, but it was still painful, because it was a reminder Jen no longer had the man who’d madeherfeel happy and loved. Jen was unbelievably generous, and Hunter cleared his throat because he had to tell her.
“Thank you,” he murmured. “I love you too, you know that, right? You and Jake are more important to me than anyone. It’s one reason I was so afraid of you being angry at me. I wish… I wish I could make it all better for you. It kills me because I can’t.”
Tears welled in her eyes again. “I know. But nothing is going to make it better other than time and lots of therapy. I’ll be happy one day, and maybe I’ll find love again. Mark would want that for me too.”
“Yes, he would.” It was true. Mark was generous to a fault, and he always wanted the ones he loved to be happy. “I hope you do, Jen. You deserve to be loved. And we’ll make sure Jake never forgets his daddy.”
Jen’s watery, lopsided smile returned, and one or two tears fell, but she seemed comforted by Hunter’s words. “Yes, we will.”
Hunter disengaged one hand from hers, then reached out to wipe the tears away with this thumb. “Okay, enough tears from both of us. Shall we go inside and see which of our blue-eyed boys has charmed the other? Normally I’d put my money on Jake, but Payne can work you over with those eyes in a way that will have you crawling on the floor.”
Jen chuckled as she squeezed his hand and then released it. “I take it you know from experience?”
“Yeah.” Hunter smiled crookedly. Jen knew him well enough that she could see how he felt about Payne, but he needed to make sure she understood their relationship. “Just… don’t let on you know how I feel about him, okay? It really is complicated.”
She raised both eyebrows, but she didn’t question him. “Okay, I won’t.”
“Thanks.” Hunter stood, then held out a hand to help her up. “You’ll like him.”
She clasped his hand and smiled wickedly up at him. “If Mark was here, he’d give you so much shit. I feel it’s my duty to follow in his footsteps.”
“As long as you don’t do it in front of Payne!” Hunter groaned. He knew he was owed a bit of payback for the way he’d tormented Mark about Jen, but he didn’t want Payne to pick up on it. Payne was too observant by half, so there was no way he would miss Jen’s meaning if she teased Hunter in front of him.
They went into the house and headed toward the den. The TV was on, playing cartoons from one of the many kid-friendly networks available on cable, but Payne and Jake weren’t on the couch. Instead, they were kneeling on the floor by the coffee table with the crayons and construction paper Payne had picked up when he went to buy groceries for dinner. They were bent toward each other in a silent show of comfort and trust, and Jake was giggling as they worked on their respective pictures.
Hunter stopped in the doorway, feeling a strange warm tenderness as he watched them together. He should have known Payne would be good with kids, and to see him with Jake, making Jake laugh, made Hunter’s eyes sting again. Of course it had been an emotional day, so maybe he wasn’t turning into a complete wuss.
“What are you drawing?” he asked. He had the feeling he looked completely besotted, from the way Jen gave a small snort of amusement.
“I’m drawing a house on a sunny day because I’m a terrible artist,” Payne said, holding up a piece of construction paper depicting a house that leaned to the right with some stick figures in front of it.
Hunter laughed. “Did we finally discover something you can’t do?”
Payne made a scoffing noise. “Would you like to keep this as proof?” he asked, holding out the drawing to Hunter.
“Yes.” Hunter reached out to take the drawing, as Jake jumped up and ran toward him, waving his own picture.
“I drawded you and Daddy,” he said, holding out the drawing to Hunter.
Hunter took it, looking down at two stick men with their arms around each other and what might have been helmets on their heads. “This is great. Can I have it, buddy?” he asked, his voice rough. “I want to keep it so I can look at it every day.”
“Yes!” Jake jumped up and down, obviously pleased Hunter liked the picture. “Are we gonna eat soon? I’m hungry.”
“Ask Uncle Hunter to get started on those hamburgers and hot dogs,” Payne said. “He’s the grill master around here.”
They did a fair amount of grilling, since it was the one form of cooking Hunter was decent at. Hunter held out his arms to Jake, and Jake didn’t hesitate to let Hunter pick him up. “Come on, you can help me flip the burgers.”
As he carried Jake toward the kitchen — with Jake chattering a mile a minute about wanting a hamburgeranda hot dog — Hunter found himself relaxing in a way he hadn’t expected. As much as he’d dreaded this meeting, it had turned out fine. No doubt there would be painful moments ahead when Jake had questions about Mark or when he was old enough to ask Hunter exactly how his father had died. But for the moment, he was grateful to Payne for pushing him to do this, especially since he probably wouldn’t have ever gotten around to it on his own.
It was one more thing he owed Payne for, as well as for saving his sanity and keeping him from getting himself killed in the field. At this rate, Payne was going to own Hunter completely — but for the life of him, Hunter couldn’t bring himself to mind.
