Apparently not wanting to get bogged down in memories that were still painful, Hunter took a bite of his sandwich, falling silent while he chewed.
Payne debated whether to follow up on that line of conversation, but Hunter was probably still processing what happened, and they had plenty of time to discuss the next step. Instead, he decided to ask something he was curious about.
“What about you? Are you interested in the white picket fence scenario, or do you prefer not to get tied down?”
Hunter spoke almost hesitantly. “I’d never considered it before, but I’ve had a lot of time to think over the last few months. My job has always been my life, and I’ve never met anyone who meant enough to me to give it up. After what happened to Stack… I’d have to give it up. I think my line of work is too risky when you have someone to go home to.”
“I suppose the question you have to answer is if you’d be willing to give it up for the right person. You said you didn’t know what you would do if you couldn’t do your job anymore,” Payne said. “That’s a pretty big compromise to make.”
Hunter was quiet for several long moments, obviously considering his answer. “On Thursday, I got a call from D-Day. He wanted to see how I was doing, and we’ve always had a lot in common. I asked him how he could give up the risky jobs, when he’d always been one to thrive on the danger, even live for the rush. He said it was easier than he’d thought it would be. He said his partner gave him more of a thrill than tackling a nuke any day. That says a lot.”
“He’s seemed much happier and more settled in his own skin since he’s been with Emerson,” Payne said, thinking about the changes he’d noticed in his colleague. He wondered if Hunter would respond in a similar way if he found the right person. “They don’t seem like they belong together on the surface, but from what I can tell, they have some fundamental similarities that make them a good match.”
“D-Day said the same thing,” Hunter agreed. “Sometimes I think if that crazy son of a bitch can do it, maybe I could, too. But I don’t know, and it’s not like men are beating down my door. I don’t have to work… one advantage of being single, homeless except for my job, and working in such a dangerous field is that I’ve been socking away money for years. I could be a man of leisure, except I’d die of boredom in a week.”
“Yeah, I can’t see you being content without something to do.” Payne picked at a slice of bacon poking out the end of his sandwich. So many of his colleagues had found their partner recently, and he was still looking for someone who could accept his job and the long, erratic hours it sometimes entailedandhis kink. Unfortunately, the two together created a pretty small dating pool for him. “I’m not sure I would do well without a job either. I want to help people and be useful for as long as I can.”
“So do I. And I realize that no matter what, I can’t keep doing it forever anyway.” Hunter shook his head, his expression pensive. “Once the vision starts to go and the reflexes slow down, it’s too risky. I’m pushing forty, so it’s not like I have much longer before I’d have to step aside for someone younger. Someone less aware of their own mortality.”
“Maybe now is a good time for you to start thinking about future options. I’m sure Matthew and Herc would both have suggestions,” Payne said. “They’ve probably got connections in just about any field you might want to go into too.”
Hunter shrugged. “Probably. But before I can even think about it, I have to deal with my problems.” He smiled slightly. “Someone told me I have to face my shit, right?”
“Right, and we’re still not done,” Payne said, pushing his plate aside. He wasn’t hungry anymore, and he was glad to focus on Hunter’s therapy again. “You’ve got a few days to process the first round and let the welts go down, but then we’ll need to think about round two.”
“Yeah, I didn’t figure it was one and done,” Hunter said. “It helped more than I thought it would, though.” Suddenly Hunter reached across the table, placing his hand over Payne’s. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you when we were first working together. I was a dick to you, and you didn’t deserve it.”
“Well, you had a reason for being a dick,” Payne said, offering a reassuring smile. “You were already hurting, and then you probably felt like Matthew and Herc were backing you into a corner, so you lashed out at the nearest convenient target, which happened to be me. I understand why you behaved the way you did, and I didn’t take it personally.”
“That’s generous of you, but it doesn’t make it right.” Hunter made a face. “I’m not normally such a jerk, and you still wanting to help me after all I put you through must be one of your more masochistic tendencies.” He tightened his fingers on Payne’s hand, pulling it toward him across the small table. Then he lifted Payne’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to Payne’s palm. “Thank you.”
The warmth of Hunter’s lips against his skin sent a pleasurable shiver through Payne. “You’re welcome,” he said huskily.
“So… where do you think we should go from here?” Hunter squeezed Payne’s hand and then released it to reach for his coffee cup, shifting a bit in his seat. “Given how my ass feels, I’m inclined to agree about waiting for a few days.”
“Your ass needs time to recover, and you need time to process what happened,” Payne said. “If anything starts bubbling up and you need to talk, I want you to call me, even if it’s the middle of the night.”
Hunter gave him a searching look. “Okay. I still have nightmares sometimes. Not every night, like at first, but a couple of times a week.”
Payne debated whether to voice his first thought, which was to offer to stay with Hunter or let Hunter stay with him. He didn’t want to push too hard when it seemed Hunter was willing to open up to him at last, but the caretaker in him couldn’t help but hover.
“Would it help to have company?” he asked. “If nothing else, having someone around in the aftermath might help you connect to reality quicker.”
Hunter hesitated. “Would you think I was weak if I said yes?” He grimaced. “I didn’t have any last night. I don’t know if it was the scene, or having you with me, or maybe both. But after reliving everything all over again, I wouldn’t be surprised if they got bad again.”
“I’d never think you’re weak for needing help after what you’ve been through,” Payne said, reaching across the table to squeeze Hunter’s forearm. “Besides, you’re right. The nightmares might flare up again, and if they do, I’d like to be there for you. I can go to your hotel, or you can stay here, whichever you’re more comfortable with.”
“I’d prefer to stay here, if that’s okay,” Hunter said, giving Payne a crooked smile. “It’s quieter than the hotel, and if it gets as bad as it was in the beginning, I… well. I’ve woken people up from screaming.”
“You won’t disturb anyone out here, except maybe some deer or rabbits,” Payne said, offering a reassuring smile. “If you want, you could go ahead and get your stuff from the hotel and check out this morning. My house is your house for as long as you need it.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude on your space.” While Hunter seemed hesitant, Payne could see the way the tension line between Hunter’s eyes relaxed when he made the offer. “I insist on helping with housework and cooking and any other chores. Plus paying for meals.”
“That’s fair,” Payne said. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t have asked Hunter to help out, but he understood Hunter well enough to know refusing the offer would do more harm than good to Hunter’s independent nature. “This house is plenty big enough for both of us to have private time and space when we need it, so don’t worry.”
“All right, then. Thank you — I appreciate it. I won’t make a nuisance of myself. I mean, IhopeI won’t. I haven’t stayed in anyone’s house since… well. Stack.” He grimaced as though it was still hard to say his friend’s name.
What Payne wanted to do was wrap his arms around Hunter and hold him until all his pain faded away, but they weren’t at that point yet. They might never reach that point. For now, it was enough that Hunter would be close by so Payne could provide a safe place and take care of him while he healed.
