Hunter drew in a sharp breath but didn’t flinch. “I’ve been paddled before,” he said. “Back when I went through the Point, you couldn’t escape it when the upper classmen wanted to teach you a lesson.”
“They were amateurs.” Payne flipped the paddle and stroked Hunter’s ass and thighs with the fur lined side. “Their goal was to teach you your place. My goal is to make my sub moan and beg for more,” he said, teasing Hunter between his legs with the fur.
“Hey!” Hunter gasped, and then gave Payne a hard look. “I thought this wasn’t about sex.”
Payne widened his eyes innocently. “I want to make sure you understand the range of sensation, that’s all,” he said as he put the paddle aside on a nearby table. “Besides, I said you shouldn’t be surprised if you get aroused.”
“I didn’t think you were going to do things actually meant to be arousing,” Hunter said. “God knows I never felt the least bit of excitement over getting paddled before. Mostly I was hoping the assholes didn’t hit in places that would leave me singing soprano.”
“I’ve got years of practice, so you don’t need to worry about your tender bits.” Payne moved around to the front of the bench so Hunter could see him. “Sorry,” he said, offering an apologetic smile. “The truth is, you look so damned hot, I couldn’t resist. But if you don’t want me to tease you that way, I won’t. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or like I’m taking advantage of your vulnerability.”
Hunter frowned thoughtfully. “I don’t know how to take it, to be honest. I’m used to a binary solution set. Either something is sexual, or it isn’t. This is outside my experience. I assume you wouldn’t tease me just to be frustrating, but then again, you do a lot of things meant to be frustrating, so I don’t know.”
Payne laughed, amused rather than offended by Hunter’s blunt assessment. “You’re right,” he said with an unrepentant grin. “This can be sexual if you want it to be. I suggested taking sex off the table because you don’t seem in the frame of mind for it, which is understandable,” he added, hoping to reassure Hunter that his feelings were normal. “There are times when I’m not even sure you like me, much less want me touching you in the sexy fun times way, so it’s totally up to you.”
Hunter was silent, and it wasn’t hard to see he was thinking it over. “I do like you,” he said at last. “It’s complicated. I’m used to directness. Remember, I told you when we met that I don’t do mind games. Subtlety isn’t something I’m used to, because in my line of work, you have to be direct and blunt or people could die. There isn’t room for misunderstanding. So when I’m not certain what to say, I say nothing. I don’t understand you completely, but I do like you.”
This wasn’t the strangest conversation Payne had ever had with a naked man before, so he didn’t feel odd about pausing the demonstration to follow up with questions.
“I’m curious,” he said, cocking his head to one side. “What don’t you understand about me? I feel like I’ve been a pretty open book.”
“An open book? You?” For the first time, Hunter laughed. It started off as a chuckle, but it quickly progressed into a full throated, deep chested rumble of amusement.
Even as bewildered as he was by the response, Payne enjoyed the sound of Hunter’s laughter. It sounded genuine, and Payne was glad to hear it even if it was at his expense since Hunter probably hadn’t laughed since Stack’s death.
Hunter took a few minutes to get himself back under control, and he wiped tears away from his eyes. “Sorry,” he managed to get out, still chuckling, but then he drew in a deep breath and shook his head. “God. You’re something, Payne. You look like this cherubic choir boy, and when I first saw you, I didn’t think you were old enough to drink yet. Then you go all ninja on me, andthenI find out that behind those big, blue, innocent eyes lurks the Marquis De Sade. An open book? Maybe, but if so it’s in a language I never learned to read.”
Payne couldn’t help but smile at Hunter’s description of him. No doubt he did seem somewhat opaque to someone as straightforward and blunt as Hunter.
“I’m an onion. I have layers,” he said, sticking his nose in the air with a haughty sniff, but then he smiled to show he was teasing. “But I’ve been honest with you, and I’m not hiding anything. Not from you, at least. Most of the guys don’t know about this, though,” he added, gesturing to encompass the playroom.
Hunter’s levity faded away. “I understand,” he said softly. He went quiet again. “I do appreciate what you are trying to do for me. I don’t know if it will work or not, but I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t willing to try.” He looked down, not meeting Payne’s eyes. “Freezing the way I did was the second worst thing to ever happen to me. Only Stack’s death was worse. Part of me hates feeling helpless, but what I read about BDSM makes me think it could be the only thing that would work for me because I won’t really be helpless, despite how it looks. But I wouldn’t even try this with anyone else. Only you. Because I trust you.”
“That means a lot to me,” Payne said quietly, warmed by Hunter’s admission. He touched Hunter’s cheek lightly with his forefinger, wanting to establish some kind of contact. “You may be tied up, but you won’t be helpless. I hope this will be your chance to take back control.”
“I know I can’t control all situations, but I have to be in control of myself,” Hunter said. He leaned into the touch. “Iamattracted to you. That’s why I was so annoyed when I thought you were belaboring the point about it not being about sex. The way you read me is sometimes a little scary, so I thought you’d picked up on it and wanted to send the message that you aren’t attracted to me.”
“No, I thought you considered me mouthy and annoying,” Payne said, flattening his palm against Hunter’s cheek and savoring the warmth against his skin. “All I wanted to do was make sure you didn’t feel uncomfortable or pressured, especially given how intimate this is.”
“Sometimes you are mouthy and annoying,” Hunter said, but he smiled to show he didn’t mean it in a bad way. “But you mean to be, don’t you? You’ve been trying to shake me up since we met.”
“Pretty much. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help you, even if it means risking a punch in the face for talking too much.”
“I appreciate it. I don’t understand why you’re so willing to help me, but I’ve finally gotten my head out of my own ass enough to realize I do need some kind of help. If this doesn’t work, I lose everything that has mattered to me. My work has been my life, my identity… I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t do it anymore.”
“I don’t want you to lose anything more than you already have,” Payne said. Hunter had never been so open before, and Payne felt all the more determined to do what it took to get Hunter past his grief, anger, and fear now that he knew how much of Hunter’s hope for the future was riding on their success.
“Thank you,” Hunter said simply. Then he smiled slightly. “What now? I guess we’ve both had our assumptions corrected. Does that change anything about how this should go?”
“I think it circles back around to the question of whether you want me to do things like stroke your inner thigh with the fur side of my paddle or not.” Payne did his best to look like the choir boy Hunter said he resembled. “We’ve established how hot I think you look, and that’s even without the cuffs and blindfold on, so the final decision is yours.”
“Now that I fully understand the situation, I’m willing to put myself in your hands completely,” Hunter said, and there was no hesitation in his voice. “If you think doing those things will help me, then do them. And since I like to think I’m not completely selfish, if you want to do it because you like to do it, that’s fine, too. All right?”
Any deal allowing him to get his hands on a man as sexy as Hunter sounded pretty damned good to Payne. “If you’re good with it, I am too.”
“Then it’s settled,” Hunter said. “So… do we continue now?”
Payne glanced at Hunter’s ass, pleased to see the redness from the paddle swat had faded. “Sure, it looks like our little respite has done your tender ass some good. You won’t even have a bruise. Well, not from the paddle, at least. We can try a flogger next and leave the cane for last since that’s what will hurt the most.”
