His eyelids lift as his eyes marginally widen. “You’re seriously considering joining the society, which need I remind you is something you’ve talked about hating for years? And you’re doing it to protect a girl you met a couple of weeks ago?”
I open and flex my hands. “I like her.”
“Clearly.” He’s gaping at me like he doesn’t even recognize me. “I get it, though. She’s something else entirely, isn’t she?”
I want to ask him if he likes her, too, yet I fear the answer. If he did, it’d make more sense for him to date her since, if they fell for one another, it could lead to a future, unlike with me and Maddy. But I selfishly want her for as long as I can have her. I’m not sure what that says about me.
“She really is,” I agree, releasing a breath as I seal my fate. “So, you’ll set up a meeting with Eli so I can join?”
Finn gives a nod. “You’re going to have to talk to Maddy about this.”
“I know.” And I have no clue how to approach the idea.
And should I date her?
Can I simply fake it?
The latter seems better and less likely to end in heartbreak, but the first makes my body pulsate in ways I’ve never felt before.
I am so royally fucked.
CHAPTER 15
MADDISON
“Maddy,you need to listen to me, okay?” my aunt Ellie whispers. “One day, you’re going to figure out some stuff that may make you question who I am as a person. Just know that I love you, kiddo. Always.” She kisses my forehead.
I’m lying in bed, awake, but pretending I’m asleep. I’m upset with her because she’s leaving again, and I hate when she goes. It makes me feel abandoned. She’s the only person in my life who’s ever cared about me, and I want to go with her, but she won’t take me. I even begged, something I rarely do.
“Maddy, I’m sorry, honey,” she tells me as she smooths her hand across my head. “Please don’t be mad at me. I’d take you if I could.”
I stare at my bedroom window. The curtain is open, and the moon is like a crystal ball in the sky, giving the illusion that the night is magical.
It never is.
“I’m sorry,” she says again. “I have to go.”
The mattress rises as she gets off my bed to leave. I tell myself to stay angry with her, but knowing I’ll miss her, I turn and call out, “Wait.”
But all alone.
Always alone?—
My eyelids snap open, and I engulf huge breaths of air into my lungs. Confusion fogs my brain as I frantically peer around, struggling to grasp where I am. A few gasping breaths later, I put the puzzle pieces together.
I’m in River’s room, sitting up in his bed. Sunlight is trickling through the crack between the curtains, and the air carries a stillness to it that conveys River and Finn are still sleeping or left.
I rub my hand over my aching chest. Those types of nightmares are nothing new. I know I’ve had abandonment issues for a while, stemming from every time my aunt left. I wanted her to stay—she was my only constant—and now I can’t even get a hold of her.
In a hopeless dumb manner, I collect my phone and check my messages to see if she’s messaged me back. Nope. I only have messages from my mother and Drew that state the same old bullshit. Although, my mother wants to know why I snuck into the house last night, like she believes I’ll just reply to her.
Heaving an exhale out of my lungs, I set my phone down and scoot to the edge of the bed, preparing to get up. River and I should be meeting up for practice in about an hour, but since I’m in his room, I’m unsure if I should wait for him here.
Before I can figure out what I want to do, I hear a door close from inside the dorm. It’s followed by a soft clinking noise.
With the threat of the society looming over me like a dark cloud, I quietly get up, tiptoe over to the door, and gently crack it open to peer out.
Standing on the other side is River. He has his fist raised as if he’s about to knock, and we both startle each other.
