Without any definitive answers yet, it’s suspected that he had some sort of heart event upon impact with me or once he hit the ground, but I guess to me the why doesn’t matter. The fact is that this promising football star’s future is tenuous. He may not be dead, but he’s in critical condition and most pundits are predicting that while he is alive, the wonder kid’s career has been cut short before it even had a chance to flourish. A career I may be responsible for cutting short.
Why do I say that?
Because the entire internet says so.
New York Nighthawk’s Dirty Dak causes near-fatal collision on Philadelphia field.
Which is the reason why I’m staying in the bed.
The only time I’ll consider getting up is when my housekeeper comes or when it’s my turn to have Bella over.
I don’t usually have my daughter on the weekends during the season because that’s when most games are played and typically I’m out of town. But next weekend, her mother is attending a small destination wedding in Napa Valley, California and needs me to take her, which works out perfectly because my team doesn’t play next Sunday.
I’m elated because I always want my daughter home with me, but I’m also conflicted because it feels that I’m at the lowest point of life. I don’t want my bubbly five-year-old to see me this way. To see me as I truly am.
A menace to the league.
A very dangerous man.
Bella views me as her personal superhero. A good guy. The dad who can do anything and be anything. And while I know that at some point she’ll grow up and discover that I’m just another flawed human being, I’m not ready to ruin the bigger-than-life image she holds of me now. Like most parents, I want to preserve my child’s innocence for as long as I can.
My phone rings for the fifth time this morning, but this time I recognize the number. Instead of an intrusive sports reporter, it’s Bella’s mom calling. She’s called me three times in a row today, so I have to answer. It could be important.
“Hello.”
“Hey, are you okay?” Jana asks.
“Is something wrong with Bella?” I ask with concern.
“No, she’s fine. She’s at dance school.”
“Then what do you need, Jana?”
“Well, damn, there’s no need to bite my head off. I just thought I should double check that you’re okay with taking Bella next weekend.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s fine? I’m not playing because we’ve got a bye week next weekend.”
“I understand the team has a bye week. I just mean that you’ve got a lot going on personally. I just wanted to make sure you were emotionally up for taking her.”
I know what this is. This isn’t Jana actually giving a damn about what I’m going through. This is her looking for any excuse not to leave Bella with me. Visitation has been an ongoing battle between us.
“Emotionally up for it?”
“Yes.”
“Did Cliff tell you to ask me that?” I ask angrily.
Cliff is the piece of shit firefighter dude she’s with now. They met when we were both still seeing each other. He was called to an incident at her job and, according to her; it was love at first sight.
Now, I’m not going to lie and say that I was an angel or that I ever treated our relationship that seriously, but when she first told me about him, admittedly, I didn’t take it well. Not because I was losing the woman, but because another man took her from me.
My ego was crushed, and a man’s ego is a fragile thing. I threw several temper tantrums and made Jana’s life a living hell for about three weeks.
In my own backward way, I thought I was fighting for her. Showing her that I cared enough to even be angry that she was throwing away the possibility of us. And for a moment, her resolve slipped, and we had a night of angry make up sex.
But of course it wasn’t actually make up sex.
It was just sex.
