As the countdown to Christmas begins, this is typically the time of year when I’m the most excited. There is a charged energy all around during this time of the year. There are people wearing Santa hats, moms buying Elf on the shelf for their kids, and stuffed antlers attached to car hoods.
But this year, none of the usual stuff is working its Christmas magic on me. All I can dwell on is the tremendous hole in my heart. I’m officially a Christmas grinch.
“Robin told me you requested a room change,” Kia says to me as I sit at my desk, staring at my exam prep notes.
“Yeah, I did.”
“I’m super sorry for how I told you, Willow, but you don’t have to move out.”
“You didn’t tell me for my benefit, Kia. You were trying to hurt me.”
“I admit I was jealous, okay? I handled things badly. I saw how he was treating you, how he was obviously falling for you, and I couldn’t see straight.”
“And that’s fair, but that’s something you should’ve taken up with him. I was the innocent victim here.”
“You’re right. I apologize.”
“Appreciated.”
“But?”
“But I’m still moving to another room. It would be awkward for us to share the same space. Plus, we’re seniors. We should have a single room, anyway.”
“Okay,” she goes back silently to her side of the room.
I keep staring at the notes on my desk for five more minutes until I give up. I’m not absorbing any information, so I might as well figure out something else to do. Maybe I should get out of this room.
I take a walk on campus where it’s pretty quiet because a lot of students have returned home to spend the holidays with their families. My mom is working and only has off Christmas Day and New Year’s Day, so it doesn’t make much sense for me go home until Christmas Eve.
My walk gives me a chance to appreciate the beauty of main campus but it also makes me aware of just how prevalent team pride is at this university. There are flyers everywhere for CGU athletics, especially the football and hockey teams. And of course there’s a flyer featuring Freak in his uniform, holding his helmet, and flashing his hundred-watt smile to the photographer.
There was probably a girl on the other side of that camera.
A girl with a familiar tan coat is sitting on the bench in front of Grove Hall and as I walk closer, I recognize that it’s Marta, a girl from my study group. I’m happy to see a familiar face. I feel so alone lately.
“Hi, Marta.”
“Hey, Willow.”
I take a seat next to her.
“How’s the holiday break been going for you?”
“Pretty quiet.”
“Are you not going home for Christmas?” I ask, making polite conversation.
“I wish, but I’m from the San Francisco area. I can’t afford to fly home for holidays.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
“Are you going to the bowl game on Christmas?” she asks.
“The bowl game? No, I wasn’t planning on it. I’ll probably be in New York for Christmas.”
“Oh, I thought you’d be going since it’s Freak’s last bowl and all of that. There’s even a bus trip to take students there. They’re hoping for a big CGU presence, but I’m sure you know all of that.”
Is there any moment of my life when I don’t have to see or hear about Freak?
