Even now, I continue to bend the truth for him.
To protect him.
Why do I do it? It doesn’t make sense. Deep down in my bones, I know that Ray was aiming straight for my face. In that moment, he wanted to hurt me. I hate him for that, especially because now Ruby has visual proof of just how weak I am. I know she always suspected Ray of hitting me, but she never knew for sure. I certainly would never admit to it.
But in this moment, I’ve come to the hard realization that there’s no hiding it anymore. I wasn’t expecting Ruby to drop by and didn’t have time to ice my face or put on heavy foundation to cover the bruises. Unfortunately, the proof is all around me and in front of her.
She knows.
“Let’s be clear. You moved your head because you thought he was aiming for your face and he was.”
“When he realized what he did, he was so ashamed, Ruby. He was even crying.”
“Hun, I’m going to be honest with you. Like I said before, I tend to keep my head down, do my work, and try to mind my own business, but I’m also not one for the bullshit. I know Ray hit you on purpose and I know he’s done it before, so if that man of yours was crying, all that was were crocodile tears.”
“I think they were sincere,” I say, trying to save face, but it’s pretty clear that she knows I’m a fraud pretending to be some sort of strong woman in a loving relationship. She knows it’s utter bullshit, and I feel completely naked now that who I truly am has just been exposed–an imbecile. I’m embarrassed and I despise him for putting me in this position. Well, actually, I think I may loathe myself the most.
“And where is Mr. sincere now?” Ruby asks, clearly not letting up on this.
“He felt so badly about what he did that he ran out of here with a bottle of gin and drove away last night.”
Ugh, I have to stop making excuses for him. Even if he does feel bad today, he shouldn’t have hit me yesterday.
I know that.
“Since he’s gone and can’t stop you, why aren’t you packed and ready to go?”
“That’s just it, Ruby. I’ve been sitting here for I don’t know how long trying to figure out exactly what my next steps would be. Where would I go? I have a small savings for emergencies. I don’t own a car, and I have nowhere to go.”
“I thought you have an older brother, or was it a sister?”
“I have a brother but–”
“Does he know about Ray?”
I shiver at the thought. If my older brother really knew the kind of guy I’ve been shacking up with, he’d probably kill him or at least he’d want to. Lev had it rough growing up and has a hard edge about him. I don’t think that talking things out is one of his strong suits.
“No.”
“What’s your brother’s name?”
“Lev.”
“Oh, well, maybe you can stay with Lev while you regroup?”
“I’m not sure where he is,” I say, vocalizing a truth I’ve had yet to say out loud.
My brother and I will never be super close like some siblings, our childhood was less than idyllic and we spent it in different homes, but if there’s one thing I’ve always been able to depend on, is that I would always get a text from him on the first of the month. His texts are short and always the same, but I can depend on them like clockwork.
Lev: You good?
Me: Yep
Lev: Still working?
Me: Yep
Lev: You need anything?
