They rode silently back to Ian’s place.Sam got out as soon as Ian had parked, before he even shut off the engine, just wanting to get away from him.He stalked over and waited at Ian’s door.Yeah, he had a key, but he wasn’t going to use it now.
When Ian let him in, Sam went straight for his backpack on one of the living room chairs.He clutched the straps of his bag tightly in his fist and walked into the bedroom, finding scattered clothes and shoving them in without folding them first.
Not that he would have folded them even if he weren’t so mad he was shaking.
“What are you doing?”Ian asked quietly from behind him.
Ha!As if he didn’t know.Sam snatched up a sock and said, as calmly as possible, “I’m going back to my place.”He marched into the bathroom, catching sight of Ian’s confused expression out of the corner of his eye.
Ian followed him to the door and stood there.Sam swore he heard him swallow.“Do you have to go?”
“Yes.”
“Because you have to work tonight?”
“That too,” Sam snapped.
“I thought maybe I could pick you up after work ...”
Sam sighed, annoyed, and dropped his pack on the bathroom floor.Where had he left his dumb toothbrush?“Why would you want me to come back?You made it clear you think I’m a loser.I thought you’d be happy to get rid of me.”
Okay, fine, annoyed and incredibly hurt.And maybe ashamed of himself.He glanced up and saw Ian’s reflection gaping at him in the mirror.What, he didn’t expect Sam to call him on it?
“I didn’t say that,” Ian sputtered.“I saidhe’sa loser, not you!”
“Yeah, and I lived with him.So I’m a loser too.”Suddenly Sam was exhausted.He wished he could lie down on Ian’s bed.Maybe he’d get lucky on the bus home and have two seats to himself, so he could stretch out.He turned to Ian, ready to get this over with.“It’s not like I’m surprised, Ian.I mean, I knew I wasn’t your kind before this started.I just sort of forgot for a bit.”Sam looked away, cringing inside but trying to hide it.“It was nice, pretending you’d want to be with a guy—”
“Would youstopthat shit?”Ian yelled.He took a deep breath and continued in a more controlled voice.“Yes, fine, I’m a shallow bastard who couldn’t see you for what you were when we met.I’m sorry, okay?Things are different now.”
“But you told me I wasn’t—”
“I was wrong.Youaremy type.”
Sam swallowed and tried again.“But you aren’t attracted to me, not really, Ian.”
Ian stared at him.“I am too, Sam.I’m crazy attracted to you, can’t you see that?”
“Well, you think my mouth—”
“All of you.”Ian moved toward him, reaching out for him, but Sam stepped back with a sneak attack of nausea.“I just ...I seeyounow.”Ian came forward again, trying to trap him against the sink, but Sam slipped off to the side.He couldn’t let Ian catch him and convince him he meant what he was saying.
But maybe we’d like to know what he thinks.Sam tried to shove the questioning part of himself back into its little room and slam the door.
It didn’t work.“How ...how do you see me?”He wanted to hit himself in the forehead as soon as the words were out.Did he really want to know how Ian saw him?His digestive system felt like it had worms in it already.Sam closed his eyes and hung his head.God, he was pathetic.
He felt Ian’s breath on his face and Ian’s body heat, suddenly too close.He opened his eyes to see Ian’s jaw and his arms reaching for Sam.When Sam took another step back, he realized Ian had trapped him against the wall.“Will you let me show you instead of telling you?”Ian ducked his head, attempting to meet Sam’s eyes.
Sam’s stomach lurched.“Right now?”he squeaked.
“You have to go to work soon, right?”
Sam nodded slowly, risking a glance up.Ian was inches from him, all the anger and disgust from earlier gone from his face.Had it really all been about Marley?His green eyes looked so sincere.
“After work,” Ian said.
Hesitantly, Sam shrugged.Could he actually do that?
“Do you want me to take you home so you can think about it?You could call me from work, and I’ll come get you.Or you could wait awhile if you need to.”Ian paused, then added, “But Sam, I need you to trust me.”He gripped Sam’s shoulder, squeezing once but not letting go.
