A few days ago his future had sparkled with promise. But now the magic was slipping through his fingers and he didn’t know how to stop it from happening.
They rode without trying to talk over the echo of pounding hooves on the sandy surface. The steady rhythm of the horse under him didn’t require his full attention, which gave him plenty of time to think about Mila’s clear challenge.
Did she understand what she’d asked of him? And how things would change if he complied?
But they’d already changed and he couldn’t see a way back to what he’d had. The thought of giving her what she wanted made his stomach pitch. He might break down. She’d never see him the same way again.
But if he continued to refuse, he’d lose her. Could he stand to live here, knowing she was only steps away, knowing he could run into her at any moment?
On the flip side, could he stand to leave? What about Jordie and this family he’d grown to love? What about Sparky? Even if Luis let him take the horse, he'd have no business doing that.
He’d have to say goodbye to the loft he’d created. And the Beaver Bunch. He could teach someone to run the program, but would they even want that display? Everything he’d built here — the relationships, the loft, the animatronics, even this arena would be lost to him.
He went over it again and again, getting no answers but unable to escape his spiraling thoughts.
“Ready to call it?”
He dragged himself out of the pit of despair he was drowning in. “You bet!” His voice sounded strained to him. Hopefully not to her. He slowed Sparky to a trot.
“We should walk them around a few times.”
“Right.”
She turned in her saddle. “You don’t have to stay back there.”
“Right.” His vocabulary seemed to be shrinking along with his prospects. He guided Sparky up next to Fudge.
“Okay, what’s wrong?”
He glanced at her and couldn’t come up with what to say.
“It’s Mila, isn’t it?”
He nodded.
“Is she upset because you’re not into Christmas?”
“Not exactly.” He cleared his throat. “She doesn’t like…” He cleared it again. “How I deal with it.”
“How do you deal with it?”
“I block it out.”
Her eyes widened. “How long have you been doing that?”
“A long time.”
“Oh, Cole.”
He sucked in a breath. “It works, damn it.”
“Could you break that habit?”
“Don’t know.”
“Well, you need to. I can see why it would bother her.”
He sighed. “I…yeah, I could break it. Wouldn’t be easy, but… I’d give it a shot.” He took another breath. “But that’s not all.”
