This morning feels weird, and I can’t put my finger on why. We’re at the estate having breakfast with all the Byrne’s and their spouses. I can’t exactly put my finger on what’s going on, but I do know something’s off. I feel a little lighter this morning, and Dec seems to feel the same. Last night was really good for us to just connect. I let him take care of me in a way I’ve never let anyone before him. He seemed like he needed it just as much as I did, which was a contributing factor to why I let myself be taken care of like that.
Declan’s hand squeezes the back of my neck three times while he gives me a side look as if to ask if I’m okay. I smile at him and give him a subtle nod as I tune back into the conversation around me. Clara and Nix are arguing withMac about wanting Lelonie to have a sleepover at Kieran’s penthouse. Kieran’s watching on with intense focus, just waiting on his brother to step one toe out of line. Rowan and Declan are chatting away about a game that was on last night, and the twins are talking quietly, having their own conversation on the side. I look next to me at Lee and lift an eyebrow at her when I notice her looking back.
“Is this normal?” I ask in a mock whisper, causing my little sister to laugh.
“Yeah, this is just about every time. You get used to it. It’s not much different from family dinners at Mama and Papa’s.” She shrugs.
“True. Honestly, Papa when he’s feeling dramatic may just put them all to shame.” We both laugh.
“I miss them. No family dinners have been driving me up a wall.” She admits quietly.
“Me too. I’ll call Papa today and talk to him about it. I hate that we’ve kind of all fallen apart since the attack. How are you doing after all that?” I probe. We’ve all stayed active in our group chats but it isn’t the same as getting together.
Lelonie is prickly. You have to be really careful when asking her things like this because she’ll shut down in the blink of an eye. She went through a lot before we adopted her, and even though our parents provided her with the most loving and stable environment, some things stick more than others. It’s why when I notice her shoulders tense, I reach out and gently grab her arm.
“We don’t have to talk about it, Lee. It’s fine.” I offer her a reassuring smile and move my hand off of her.
“It’s fine. I’ve been having nightmares ever since. It’s alwaysthemcoming back to get me. I used to have similar ones whenI was sick, but those went away not long after my transplant. Now they’re back, and they make it so I rarely get good sleep.” She yawns, causing Mac’s head to snap over to her so quickly that I’m surprised he didn’t break his neck.
“Beautiful, maybe we should go take a nap?” He offers her a gentle smile and grabs her hand.
“Yeah, a nap sounds nice.” She lets him guide her to a standing position and lead her inside without another word.
A look of concern covers every face as they walk away. Rowan points his fork at the door and looks around the table, “What the fuck was that?”
Everyone shrugs in response, but I don’t like his tone, “What waswhat, exactly?”
Rowan looks at me like I’m gum on the bottom of his shoe, “Put your dick away, Fischer. I just meant, is she okay? Why did they just leave like that?”
It dawns on me instantly, they’re worried about her, not trying to gossip.
“She’s been sleeping pretty shitty for a while and wanted to go try to nap.” I concede with minimal irritation in my voice.
Everyone starts talking at once, but the message is the same from them all.‘Is this a sign that she’s getting sick again?’
Lee had a kidney transplant over three years ago now, and while it isn’t impossible for the issues that caused her kidney failure to come back, we haven’t had any issues so far. Everyone at this table witnessed the bad days in some way or shape, so it makes sense that they’re a little gun shy, too.
“She’s okay as far as I know. Just some bad dreams.”
Declan reaches over and grabs my hand in a silent show of support. Everyone seems to relax back in their seats, content with my answer, and the conversation picks up on anothersubject. Maeve is sitting in Declan’s lap while Rhett sits beside him. Those kids are obsessed with these men, but whereas Rhett seems to cling more to Kieran, Maeve thinks Declan hung the moon and the stars. She looks over at me before smiling shyly and climbing up Dec until she buries her face in his neck.
His laugh is loud and carefree. “Baby girl, you can’t hide from him and eat breakfast at the same time.”
She pulls her head back just enough so I can see her eye peeking over at me. I can’t help the laugh that bubbles up as I wave at her. Her head buries back to the safety of her Uncle’s neck. Maeve is little for a two year old, but being encased in Declan’s large body makes her look impossibly smaller. Dec gets her situated in one arm and uses his free hand to finish eating. It comes so easy to him that I can’t help but think about how amazing of a Papa he’ll be one day.
Instantly a pang of jealousy and agony rips through me. I can’t give him that. Of course he’ll eventually want a family that looks like the ones his brothers have. Using all of my inner strength, I push those toxic thoughts down and out of my head as best as I can. Right now he loves me, and right now we’re together and happy. That has to be enough for today.
* * *
A few days later I walk up the steps to the house where I was raised. Declan’s at work, he had to help Kieran with something. I don’t ask questions. I’ve realized the less I know, the better. I asked my parents if I could come over to talk, though. They have no idea what’s going on in my personallife, and I think it’s time to clue them in.
Pushing the door open, I smile as I hear my Papa and Mama bickering about whatever show they’re watching. The sound of their voices leads me into the living room, where they’re snuggling together on the couch. The fact that they’re still this in love and obsessed with each other all these years later is what set my siblings and I up with obnoxiously high standards. Not to say that’s a bad thing; it worked out great for Lelonie.
My Mama sees me first and stands to greet me, “Oh, mein junge.”My boy.She sighs as she wraps her arms around me. I hug her back tightly. My mom is a saint. Really anyone who can raise the Fischer kids and put up with my Papa at the same time deserves the deed to the universe. My brute of a Papa grunts in disapproval when he feels like the hug goes on, territorial guy, that one.
He gives me a tight but quick hug when I finally break apart from Mama. “Jakob, what can we do for you today?” I can’t tell if he’s mad at me or just in a no nonsense mood. He used to tell me he had Mama all to himself, and then we came along and stole her from him. It’s always been a joke. He’s dramatic, but now I’m unsure if he really is mad about that or not.
“So I need to talk to you guys. I met somebody.”
