“That night, when I had to rush out? It was because Clara’s psycho ex completely trashed her apartment. I had to go help get her and Bear to safety. You never reached out so I thought you were just processing.” I take a deep breath before continuing, “Jake, I had come to terms with my sexuality more than ten years prior, and I was the first man you’d ever kissed.I wasn’t going to interfere with you sorting out what you wanted.”
“I never knew that. I thought you were just avoiding me, and then Natasha texted me to come over, and well, you know what happened next.”
His words echo in my mind, “I’m sorry, repeat that. She texted you to come over to fuck while I was there?”
He vehemently shakes his head. “No, we’ve never slept together. She just told me we needed to talk.”
The floor drops out from under me. “What do you mean you guys have never slept together?”
“I mean, we were always just friends. Then I came over and found her about to suck your dick, and well–”
“Listen, I know that looked bad. It looked really bad, but I swear all we did was kiss and I only went there to see if I still felt anything for her. She tried to take it farther, and I was stopping her. Jake, my cock was so flaccid it was borderline embarrassing.”
“Looked pretty hard to me when I walked in.” He grumbles under his breath.
“Yeah, I’m sure it did. Because I learned that night that a very niche color of ice blue seems to be the key to getting me hard.” I reach out and grab his hand with mine, “I’m sorry. We weren’t together, but I still should have talked to you before going over there. I was wrong for that.” I wait until his skeptical eyes come to mine before leaning in and placing a quick kiss on his lips.
“And ever since then? Dec, you’ve been sleeping with her ever since that day. How am I supposed to believe you when you say you couldn’t even get hard? You’ve been getting hard enough to fuck her all these years.” I physically recoil at histone and what he’s implying. If only he knew what the fuck goes on behind closed doors between her and me.
“Jake, it’s not what you think.” My voice comes out so quietly that it’s basically a whisper.
I’m assuming he can see the change in my expression because his entire demeanor changes in an instant.
“What was that?” He questions. His tone hard and unyielding.
“What was what?”
“No, no. Don’t play stupid, Declan. What the fuck was that? You pulled away from me. You look like you’re going to throw up. We’ve known each other forever. That isn’t a ‘I feel bad about fucking–”
As soon as the word’s out of his mouth, I flinch again on instinct. I do so well talking to my brothers when I make what we do seem like we’re hooking up and not like I’m being forced to do shit I’d never allow if it was any other way and lives weren’t on the line. There’s something about Jakob, though. I can’t hide shit from him.
“That!” He points at me as he softens his voice, “What’s going on, Dec?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I promise it’s not at all what it seems like. I just need you to be patient with me. I’ll tell you everything when I’m ready. I promise.” I’m begging him to understand. To give me a little grace until I can process my trauma and be able to tell him.
He eyes me skeptically, but eventually sighs and nods.
“Okay, but I need to know if I’m the only one you’re making out with and pinning against walls.”
I can’t help the small laugh that works its way up my throat. “Yeah, babe. I’m not making out with anyone or pinninganyone else to any other walls.”
He grabs my hand and laces our fingers before quietly declaring, “I hate her fucking guts.”
“Yeah, me too.” I answer on an exhale. Jake pulls my hand until I’m lying down on the couch with my head in his lap and his fingers in my hair.
“We’ll take this slow? Figure out how to do this at our own pace?” He questions.
“Yeah, that sounds nice.” I smile up at him as his fingers methodically comb through my hair.
He grabs the remote and turns on the baseball game, stealing both of our attention quickly. One of the twins’ best friends, Knox, plays for the Virginia Reapers. The majority of the twins’ friends, long ago dubbed ‘the lucky ones’, have gone pro in their respective sports. I mean, they seriously are the melting pot of sports. Everything from football to gymnastics, these kids are doing it, and they’re excelling at it. Still, they find themselves in the estate’s backyard more times than not. Still acting like the delinquents they’ve always been.
“I can’t believe this is the same kid that ran into your room one time declaring that he was going to be a dad because some girl held his hand on the bus, and he thought that’s how babies were made.”
We both start laughing so hard that we’re wiping tears from our eyes by the time we calm down.
“Poor kid was in fifth grade. How the hell did he go that long believing that?” I ask through my laughter.
I shake my head in disbelief before turning my attention back to the game. I’ve let my eyes shut when I feel Jakob lean down, press his lips to my temple, and whisper, “Whatever she’s doing to you, whatever is haunting you, I’m going tofigure it out, and I’m going to fix it,mein Engel.I promise.”
