Declan: Text me when you get home.
Chaos: Deal.
We need to have some tough conversations about the past if we’re going to build back up whatever it is we lost, and I’m done dancing around the hard shit.
* * *
Jakob texted me about twenty minutes ago to tell me he was home. After making sure Rowan and Kieran were home with the girls and kids so they weren’t left unprotected, I left. Deciding to check on Mac and Lee on the way, my truck pulls in front of their house. I’ll just check on them real quick before continuing down the street to Jakob’s.
Knocking on the door, I hear a gruff, “Go away.”
Laughing, I knock louder, “Let me in, asshole.”
It’s then I hear it, Lee’s soft moan from what has to be literally on the other side of the door, followed by Mac shushing her and them both snickering.
“You’re both gross.”
“Sorry, Dec. Bye!’ Lee yells back at me.
I don’t wait around to see if they say anything else. Instead I jump in my truck and drive a dozen houses down until I’m infront of the light blue house with the white shutters. Taking a second to calm my nerves, I shake out my arms and push all my shitty thoughts away. He doesn’t need to know everything, but we do need to talk about what happened five years ago.
Walking up to the front porch, I remind myself not to turn around. I know what I want, and I think he wants it too. There’s only one way to find out. I’m never going to get the answers I want if I run.
I’ve known I was bisexual since I was pretty young. People act like it’s such a shock because, according to the ignorant stereotypes, I don’t ‘look bi.’ It pisses me off every time someone says it. What does that even mean? What am I supposed to look like? I’ve been with both men and women over the years, and it’s never been a big deal. My parents knew before they passed, and Rowan knows. I smile to myself thinking about when I told Rowan. We were about fourteen and sixteen and were in the middle of playing video games. I knew I needed to talk to Rowan about it before it somehow got out at school.
My heart beats out of my chest as I glance over at my big brother for what has to be the tenth time in just as many minutes.
“Declan, you’re distracting me, and you’re thinking so loud it’s hurting my head. What’s up?”
Well, I guess it’s do or die.
“Uh…. What would you say if one of our brothers were bi?” He pauses the game and turns his entire attention to me. I can feel the sweat beading on the back of my neck as I wait for him to answer.
“Are they also into incest?” He asks, his lip curling in disgust. Fuck, he’s disgusted by me.
“Uh, nope. Just like both girls and guys.” I stammer out.
Roe smiles and turns back to the game while shrugging, “Thenthat’s none of my business. You trying to tell me something?”
“Ye- yeah, actually.”
He turns back to me. “Are you going to marry a dude?”
I shrug in confusion, “I don’t know, maybe.”
He nods while unpausing the game and playing again, “Sweet. That’ll be an epic wedding.”
I reluctantly begin playing again as well. “That’s it? You don’t care?”
“As long as you’re happy that’s all I care about, Dec. For the record, that’s all Da and Ma are going to care about too.”
Then, just like the conversation never happened, we settle back into our video game.
The ease with which Rowan just accepted my confession made me look up to him even more than I already did. He was there when I told my parents, to which they asked why I brought it back up, as if we were about to throw down in the kitchen. They also didn’t care as long as I was happy and didn’t feel like I had to hide who I was from them. I never told my little brothers, but I’ve never hidden it either. I’m a private person by default, so it wouldn’t surprise me if they didn’t know. At the same time, it also wouldn’t surprise me if they did know.
I don’t even get the chance to knock on Jake’s front door before he opens it and pulls me inside by the front of my shirt.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask while pushing his hands off of me.
