“Right.” He just stood there, though, staring down at her, his features taut, his whole body tense. Then, he took a step back, and another. “If you change your mind, obviously call anytime.”
“Sure,” she lied. She’d already changed her mind. She was on the brink of begging him not to go. Or to take her with him. Just like she’d been afraid of. It cost her almost everything to stay strong, to know that she deserved to hold out for real, deeply abiding love—the kind of love that was currently eating her alive.
He pressed his hand to the door without attempting to open it, and she held her breath, wondering if he was going to say something else. But instead, he turned to face her, offered a polite smile then opened the door and left.
And just in the nick of time. Her tears started to fall freely, and she didn’t bother to check them. No one was home to see her heart splintering into a billion pieces, beyond repair. No one would ever see her soul’s destruction.
He satin the back of the car, staring straight ahead, wishing like he’d never wished before that he hadn’t seen Aaron in the flesh. Hadn’t seen the tender, caring way he’d put his arm around Elodie. Because now, it was the easiest thing in the world for Rafto realise that Elodie already had someone in her life who loved her. Someone she had a history with, who was obviously devoted to her. What business did he have coming and unburdening himself to her, when he’d pushed her away in London? He’d been the one to discard what they had; he’d been the one to end it.
He had no right to come into her life now and tell her how he felt. Not when she was doing so well.
But was she doing well?
He frowned, thinking back to the way Aaron had offered his reassurance, had said he’d be just around the corner. If Elodie was happy, moved on, settled, why would Aaron need to say that? And why would Elodie have moved the appointment? It couldn’t have just been about convenience. London, with a chauffeur, was an easy trip to make.
Unless, she’d been avoiding him.
Because she didn’t want to see him, or because it was too hard?
His hand was back on the car door, pushing it open, before he could even think it through. He knew one thing, for certain—if he returned to London without saying what he’d come to say, he’d always regret it.
Besides, he already felt like hell, nothing that happened in the next few minutes could make him feel any worse, right?
CHAPTER 21
SHE WIPED AT HER cheeks quickly, but it did little good. Her face was tear-streaked, her eyes flooded with moisture. Whoever was at the door could just go right away again.
Elodie ignored the sound of the metal knocker, walking slowly back into the lounge room as though in a dream-state, pressing a hand to the sofa for support. She stared at the space Raf had just occupied, as though she could somehow conjure him up again. The knock sounded once more. If it was parcel, why wouldn’t they just leave it and go away?
“Elodie? Open the door.”
Her eyes flared wide. Raf.
Maybe he’d forgotten something, she told herself, as her heart raced and her stomach looped. She didn’t pause to check her reflection in the hallway mirror, or she might have taken one more swipe at her cheeks to remove evidence of her crying.
She opened the door slowly, because seeing him again and watching him leave, had taken everything out of her.
She felt the way his eyes ran over her face, documenting her emotional state, and only just realized she should have fixed herself up a little before going to him. Too late, she thought,straightening her spine and regarding him with what she hoped was calm curiosity. When her insides were anything but calm!
“I don’t want to go back to London without you,” he said heavily.
Without the babies,she corrected mentally. This was all about the scan he’d missed today, not her.
“I don’t want to go back to London, and not see you,” he corrected, his voice a strange tone she hadn’t heard from him before. “This is madness.”
“What is?”
“This. Doesn’t it feel crazy to you that we’re not together? That we’re not living together, like we were before?”
She flinched, his invocation of that brief, halcyon time in her life almost cruel, for how perfect it had been. But nothing had changed—her reasons for leaving, that same sense of self-preservation—weaved through her now.
“I think it’s the only option,” she said, as her heart screeched at her to not be so foolish. Take whatever crumb he was offering—surely it was better than this.
He dragged a hand through his thick hair, and her eyes lifted to his fingers, as they drove through it. “I can’t keep doing it.”
Her heart pounded.
“Why not?”
