Leaving just Raf and Elodie on the footpath, staring at one another for what seemed like the longest time. Eventually, Raf cleared his throat, though she couldn’t have said after how long. “Can we go inside?”
Inside. Her parents’ house. She knew she should say ‘no’. That they could talk out here. Wouldn’t that be safer? But the part of her that selfishly, desperately wanted some time alone with him was out of control. Weakness had her nodding once, reaching into her pocket for her keys, pulling them out, glad to have something so mundane to focus on.
“They’re at work,” she murmured, pushing the door inwards. “Aaron and I were at the pub, having lunch. Playing scrabble. It’s this thing we do, we’ve always liked scrabble. It’s?—,”
“Elodie.” He interrupted her, and she was glad. She was babbling out of an overflow of emotions, out of nervousness. He pushed the door shut firmly and then, purely out of habit, put a hand in the small of her back, to guide her towards the living room. Only his touch ignited the fire that had been smoldering inside her all this time, so her breath hissed from between her teeth, and she had to duck her head to try to hide the reaction.
In the living room, they both stopped walking and stood, Raf’s hand falling from her back, as his gaze shifted to her stomach. “You look incredible.” The words were husked from deep in his throat. She felt the throb of emotions in them; knew how hard it must have been for him to be separated from the pregnancy.
But it had been a matter of survival for Elodie. A need to put herself first, after years of not having done that.
“What did you want to talk about?” she asked, voice still tremulous.
“I came—I wanted—,” he cleared his throat, shook his head, closed his eyes. “So that’s Aaron, huh?”
She twisted her fingers, refusing to feel bad about reconnecting with her ex. It wasn’t as though it was romantic. And even if it were, so what? Raf had no rights over her life, just as she didn’t over his.
“Yes.”
“You said you catch up with him each week?”
He was jealous. It was patently obvious. But that didn’t mean he felt anything other than a stupid macho possessive streak because they’d been sleeping together.
“Yes.”
The air between them crackled and throbbed. The tension stretched until it was almost unbearable.
“I was expecting to see you today.”
“So, I gather.”
“I didn’t realise you’d changed the appointment.”
“They said they’d let you know.”
“They didn’t.”
More awful, crackly silence.
“I needed to see you.”
Her heart lifted with hope before she could control it. Only need was one thing—they both felt it. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t love, freely given, willingly accepted, no matter what.
“I didn’t mean to stuff you around,” she said carefully. “There was no need to come all this way to check on me.”
His brow furrowed and then, his eyes shifted to the mantle behind her, where she knew there was a picture of her and Aaron from her twenty-first birthday. She ignored that strange sense of guilt again, as though she was betraying Raf, yet that was exactly what she saw in his features. A look of complete betrayal.
“You’re okay?” he asked, glancing back to her, and then her stomach, his throat shifting as he swallowed.
She looked towards the windows, that framed a view of her father’s vegetable garden. Raf was asking because of the babies.It had nothing to do with her battered heart. “Everything seems fine. I’ll obviously let you know once I’ve had the next scan.”
He cleared his throat. “I can come up for it.”
“There’s no need. It’s just a scan. We already know I’m pregnant, that there are two babies in there. I’ll obviously keep you informed.”
“I meant—for support,” he said, the words strangely choked.
“I’m okay, really,” she said, aware that she was about an inch away from sobbing. The man she wanted, more than anything, was right in front of her, but he’d never give her what she wanted most in the world: love. Real, honest, all-in love.
