He placedthe risotto on her lap, along with a cloth napkin, then moved to the other side of the room, standing where he had been moments ago, his arms crossed forbiddingly over his chest.
“Tomorrow, we’ll talk about our future,” he said, slowly, as though the words were still formulating in his mind.
“I’d rather talk about it now,” she said, knowing she wouldn’t sleep if she felt as though that conversation was hanging over her head. She’d rejected his marriage proposal today, and then Aaron’s, but there was a part of her that wondered, if Raf were to propose again, if she might accept. She’d been strong once, declining him because his motivation had been borne of duty, not love. But in turning him down, she’d denied herself a chance to have a hint of what she wanted—even when it would be fake. Would that matter? He would be her husband, and she’d be his wife. Wasn’t that worth the gamble?
And maybe in time, he’d come to care for her, as she cared for him…
“I shouldn’t have proposed today,” he said, the words slicing through her with all the force of a blade. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”
Her heart slammed hard against her ribs.
“That wasn’t our agreement, and I put you on the spot by suggesting we get married. You were right, Elodie, at the beginning of all this. Becoming parents, it’s going to work better, be smoother, if we don’t complicate our relationship.”
Sheknew,because she knew him, that Raf was not intentionally trying to hurt her, yet he could not have chosen his words better, if that had been his goal. Each one landed againsther like a gut punch, leaving her completely stunned. “Are you saying…what are you saying?”
He dropped his hands to his sides then jammed them into his pocket, the fists visible beneath the fabric.
“We let this get out of hand. I let it get out of hand. You were right, when you told me we shouldn’t give into our chemistry.”
“I’m not following. What does the fact we slept together have to do with you proposing?”
He crossed his arms again, his forearms showing the lean muscle there, so her mouth felt a little dry, her body flushed with warmth.
“Because sex made me think, for a moment, that this was real, and it’s not.” His eyes probed hers, his expression grim. “I’ll never be able to give you the kind of marriage you described, and it would kill me for you to settle for anything less. So, if Aaron’s who you want, if that’s the life you’d choose, if all the options were before you, then you need to go after that. I won’t stand in your way.”
Pain flooded her system from every angle. Pain at how quickly and easily he was able to sidestep their intimacy. At how he was able to go from acting like a caring, loving partner, to practically shunting her out the door of his life.
“Are you saying you don’t want to be a part of our lives anymore?” she asked, tone wooden, body in a state of absolute shock. She placed the risotto on the mattress beside her, almost nauseated by the idea of food.
“No,” he rejected that swiftly. “These are our children. Naturally, I still intend to raise them. We will work together, as we always intended, as co-parents, to give them the best of everything.” He moved then, sweeping across the room to stand right at her side. “But you deserve happiness, too, Elodie. You deserve to be more than their mother. I will not be the reason you miss out on the great love of your life.”
How could he think that, after everything they’d shared? How could he think Aaron wasanythingto her?
Because it hadn’t been special to him. It hadn’t meant anything. He’d experienced these kinds of sparks with myriad women, this sort of soul-destroying chemistry was probably just a part of that, too. It was only her inexperience that had made her think they were special.
Even as she told herself that, she knew it was a lie. For Elodie, Raf was everything. The sun, the moon, her very reason for being. Baby, babies, or no babies, he was the man she wanted.
But he’d just finished telling her he’d never offer her anything more than this, and he’d underscored that by showing her that he was serious. By making it so abundantly clear that this was something he could easily shut down and walk away from.
She wanted to fight with him. She wanted to cry. But pride had her sitting there, staring at him as though her heart wasn’t tearing into a thousand, million pieces.
“Of course, I’ll support you. My lawyers are arranging trust documents, I’ll have those transitioned to reflect the fact there are two children. The details of where we live, and how, can be worked out in due course. If you and Aaron marry, I presume you’ll be somewhat flexible with choosing to be either in London, or somewhere near one of my offices, so that I can continue to be in their lives.”
Not hers.
Theirs.
She knew she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t say anything. She didn’t trust her voice not to wobble, didn’t trust her emotions not to drive her to tears.
“This is good news, Elodie. We did what we set out to do. We know each other better, we know we work well together. We canraise these children as they deserve—and you can have whatever life you want for yourself.”
But she couldn’t.
He was neatly, carefully, and oh so considerately, shutting the door on the very life she desperately wanted, and now found it impossible to admit to.
“Yes,” was all she managed to say.
He took that as her agreement, and stepped out of the room, pausing only to say, “I’ll be back in an hour. If you need anything in the meantime, please call.”
