The question made her skin itch. That reality felt light years away. In truth, marriage to Aaron seemed like a strangely warped existence. But she nodded, because it was the only way to answer his question. Even though she now recognized that she hadn’t been that happy or satisfied in her relationship, it had never occurred to Elodie to break up with him.
“How did you ever think it was okay, to aim so low?”
She gasped. “I’m sorry?”
“You deserve so much more. So much more than that asshole would ever have given you. How could you have been prepared to settle for that?”
It was both a compliment and an attack, all at once. She shook her head quickly, not wanting to fight with him, particularly after what they’d shared.
“Did he make you feel like I do?” Raf pushed, though, eyes probing hers. “Did his body make yours sing?”
“I don’t want to talk about Aaron.”
“You deserved someone to sacrifice their dreams to support yours, not the other way around.”
She angled her face away, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m serious, Raf. Can we just drop this?”
Silence.
But it was a caustic, charged silence, filled with emotions. Then, there was movement, as though he was leaving the room. Leaving her. Ice spread through her veins, the contrast of that feeling to the pleasure she’d just enjoyed like a kind of torture.
Then, more movement as the bed depressed and her weight was pulled towards the centre. She glanced across at him at the moment he put a hand out, on her thigh, beneath the sheet.
“You’re right,” he said, surprising her. Like he often surprised her. “I don’t want to fight with you, either.”
“You seem so angry about it.”
“I’m angry that anyone could treat you like that. But maybe I’m angry at myself, too, for what I did to Marcia. There are parallels. Two men who ignored what their partners needed…”
“There’s a difference,” she said softly. “You told me you were honest with Marcia from the beginning. That wasn’t the case for Aaron and me. I don’t know if he ever intended to get a regular job. He was always working on his craft from our living room, going to auditions and never landing the part. At some point, heshould have realized what his aspirations were doing to mine. You were right about that.”
His eyes narrowed, and warmth burst inside of Elodie, thawing any lingering ice.
“I know this isn’t what you planned,” he said, moving his hand to her stomach. “It is a curveball for both of us. But I don’t want you to get lost in all of this. What you want matters to me. Tomorrow, I’ll talk to my lawyers, start the paperwork for a trust fund for you and the baby.”
It was such an unexpected thing for him to say that she didn’t understand, at first. That she couldn’t refute what he was saying.
“I want to know that no matter what, you are finally in a position to do whatever you want, Elodie. Go to school, or don’t. The choice is yours, because you will have all the money you need to be free to make it.”
She shook her head then, exasperated and strangely hurt by this. Even when she could see it was thoughtful and incredibly kind. Even when she knew that for someone like Raf, with the fortune he had at his fingertips, the amount he was probably thinking would be like pocket change.
“Let’s not fight about it,” he said softly, moving closer, his eyes holding hers, sending darts of awareness along her spine. “Not when there are far better ways to spend our time.”
Much later,she fell asleep in his bed, in his arms, the conversation, a distant memory, surrendered as tribute to the acts that had followed. The way his mouth had ravaged her entire body, his hands following, lighting fires with his touch that still burned, even now, as she woke with first light. She rolled over, moving towards him instinctively, but Raf was gone.
Frowning, she reached out, feeling his pillow. Cold. No hint of warmth, to indicate that he’d slept in the bed with her. She’dfallen asleep too laced with pleasure to think. Too exhausted to feel anything other than euphoric. But overnight, her sleeping mind had spun, her brain had worked, and their conversation had come back to her in snatches, so finding herself alone in bed brought a bundle of anxiety to her stomach. She sat up, looking around, to see his room was empty.
Beside her, the black t-shirt had been discarded. She reached across then dragged it on, remembering the sensual way he’d dressed her the night before. Her pulse trembled. Uncertainty moved through her—strange, given how they’d spent the night—as she stepped out of bed and walked towards the door. She was looking for coffee, not Raf, she told herself, nonetheless keeping her eyes open for tall, dark Italian men as she moved through the villa.
CHAPTER 13
FOR YEARS, RAF HAD USED a combination of alcohol, sex and work to deal with what his life had become. To cope with grief, loss and guilt. So much so that he’d forgotten, somewhere along the way, that once upon a time he had been a runner. Even as a boy, he’d run, forging paths over the Italian countryside, when his father would drink too much, or bring some strange woman home, and Raf had wanted to curl up in a ball and cry because of how much he missed his mother. And his father, come to think of it. The man they’d known might as well have died when she did, for all they recognized him afterwards.
It had started as a way to escape, perhaps to exercise control in a world that felt wildly frightening and unpredictable to a little person, and then, it had become about power. He’d run simply because he was good at it, and wanted to be better. Faster, more urgently, his legs pumping, his lungs burning.
When Elodie had fallen asleep the night before, her breathing rhythmic, her body so soft and trusting against his, guilt had exploded in his gut. He didn’t need to be a psychologist to know why.
She was too good for him. Too pure. Too perfect. She was everything he wasn’t. And he needed to make sure he protected her—that this baby didn’t become something she resented. She’d spent almost a decade working tirelessly to support some bastard, who hadn’t given a second thought to what she wanted. When Raf had mentioned a trust fund the night before, he’d been completely serious, but now he wondered if it would be enough?
