“So, you covered for him,” Raf surmised.
“What good would have come from throwing him under a bus?” She didn’t know if she was defending Aaron, or her own actions.
“Perhaps the good of knowing the bastard got what he deserved?”
She shook her head. “He let me down. He really did. Worse, he used me,” she said, closing her eyes on the grief that accompanied that admission. “I supported him for a long time, put off chasing my own dreams, my own aspirations, because I believed in him. But there were so many signs, over the years, that I was way more invested than he was. I just didn’t want to face that.”
With her eyes closed, she didn’t see the way his body moved, she only felt it. The current of the water, and then, his arm wrapping around her waist, pulling at her. Now, instead of facing out towards the view, she was facing him, looking directly into those magnetic eyes, so close she could feel his breath against her cheek.
“You trusted the person you loved. There is no fault here that you can claim. He took advantage of your nature, that’s all.”
It was such a simple way of putting it. Even though she’d thought that herself, and felt indignation on her own behalf,somehow having Raf analyse and distil the situation, reassure her that she had done nothing wrong, was everything she needed.
Careful, a voice warned. It would be ironic, indeed, if she lurched from trusting one wrong guy, then moving onto the next. Except, what if shecouldtrust Raf? What if there was something real here that she could latch onto, unlike the illusion she’d bought into with Aaron?
And pigs might fly, she thought with a rough exhalation. She wanted to swivel her body, to put some space between them, but she also really, really didn’t want to. Being this close to him, with his arm around her waist, was everything she’d said they’d avoid, and yet having pulled away from him once today, she found she wasn’t strong enough—yet—to do so again.
In fact, when he put his other arm around her waist, and pulled her a little closer, even, towards him, she didn’t fight it. She didn’t even want to.
“Tell me something,” she murmured, as one hand began to stroke her hip, so she trembled all over.
His response was to nod, once. A half-hearted commitment to answering whatever she asked, but she took it.
“Just how often do you hook up with random women?”
She saw the way his expression tautened, the look of irritation, or something, that briefly crossed his features. “Why do you ask?”
“You don’t think I have a right to know?”
“Is it relevant?”
“Do you plan on stopping?”
He opened his mouth and then clamped it shut, his eyes sweeping her face. “I hadn’t thought about it.”
“I mean, we’re going to have a baby together. I know we’re not a couple, but if you want us to live together, don’t you think that’s the sort of thing we should discuss?”
His lips compressed hard. “It’s not relevant.”
“Really?”
“After my mother died, my father fell into a pattern of behaviour that included heavy drinking and hooking up with anything in a skirt.”
She didn’t say what she was thinking, but to Elodie, that sounded a lot like Raf.
“It’s a lifestyle choice that is neither here nor there, if you are single, and with no dependents. But waking up to find some woman in our family home, several times a week, was the epitome of awful. I wouldneverinflict that on our child. You must believe me, Elodie. Having known the disorientation of that, the sheer whiplash, it is something I would always, always fight to avoid.”
Shedidbelieve him. Everything about his words, his tone, his expression, showed that he was speaking from the very centre of his heart. Determined not to repeat his father’s parenting mistakes.
“I’m glad,” she said, after a beat. “I know we’re not together or anything, and our child will grow up knowing that. But at the same time, if we were to try living under the same roof—and I’m not saying we should or will—but if we were to end up living together, I would still want as much stability, and normality, as possible.”
His eyes flared in obvious appreciation. “You are incredibly mature, Elodie.”
She pulled a face.
“I mean it,” he said, before she could demur. “Believe me, I have seen the difference. Even in the midst of this enormous grenade, you are capable of making decisions that reflect your desire for us to always do the right thing by our baby. I appreciate that.”
Warmth flooded her whole body.
