Her brow furrowed. ‘What does that mean?’
‘Tell me this,’ he said, rather than answering her question. ‘On the beach, when we kissed…’
‘Yes?’ She couldn’t believe her voice emerged so steadily.
‘You acted like it was nothing.’ He laughed uncomfortably. ‘Like you go around hooking up with guys all the time, or whatever.’
Her eyes widened instinctively. Her insides squirmed. She felt like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She felt like the worst kind of liar.
‘What’s your point?’ Now there was the slightest tremble.
He stroked her hip and her pulse went haywire. She wished he didn’t have such an easy ability to affect her like this.
‘I guess… I’m just wondering if that’s accurate.’
‘Which part?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Was the kiss nothing to me? Or do I kiss random guys all the time?’
‘I didn’t mean random,’ he said, shaking his head.
‘And why exactly do you think you have any business asking me this?’
‘That’s the thing, I don’t.’ He moved closer, his features imploring. Her heart twisted. He was her first love. He would always have a hard-wire into her mind, and annoyingly, into parts of her heart. ‘But I still want to know.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I want to understand you.’
‘Why?’
His lips showed the ghost of a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘You don’t want to answer?’
‘I just… don’t know what to say.’
‘Is it hard to just be honest?’
‘Honest?’ She was floored. ‘This, coming from you?’
‘I never lied to you.’
‘Fine,youtell me something. Back then, you walked away like I was nothing. Is that how you really felt?’
He stared at her, mouth compressed into a straight line. ‘You know you weren’t nothing to me.’
‘So why did you go out of your way to make me feel like it?’
He flinched then, and she was glad. Because she wanted to hurt him. Sheneededto hurt him. In order to have any kind of closure, she needed to draw blood. Even if just a little.
‘I thought it would be better for you, in the long run.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Bullshit.’
‘No, I mean it,’ he insisted, and this time, when he moved closer, there was no space left between them. Their bodies connected, and her cells danced in giddy shock and delight. ‘I knew I was leaving town for good. I had to. Everything with my dad, man, it was so fucked up. I had to get us the hell out of there. But you, Sienna Mastrangelo, were kind of a sticking point.’
She couldn’t speak. He was too close. His words too full of passion and truth, his face showing genuine turmoil, as though he’d actually angsted over what had happened back then, which just didn’t fit the narrative she’d lived with all these years. The past was her truth – a talisman she’d lived alongside since that awful night when he’d broken up with her. Now he was asking her to see it differently, and she just didn’t know if she could.
