“Everyone has to learn.”
“That night he went home and took his life. With his own gun. Not his military issued one. He’d never want to tarnish that. He came from a long line of Navy SEALs. We knew it. He bragged. What we didn’t know was that he’d had so many expectations put on his shoulders. I added to it that night. I was the last one to see him. The last one to talk to him.”
Oh boy.
“And you think what you said caused him to take his life?”
“How could I not?”
“Because one conversation rarely causes that. It’s accumulations of events in a person’s life. Things none of you saw or knew. You have no idea if your conversation did it. Maybe he talked to his family after you. Maybe he saw something on the news that triggered it. Or could have been shot down by a woman. You’re thinking awfully high of yourself.”
“You’re trying to insult me,” he said.
“No. I’m telling you the truth. You’re putting weight on your back you don’t need to. You don’t know what he was thinking. What was going through his head? Nothing. Did he leave a note?”
“No,” he said. “We found out later that he’d had it rough at home. His parents were fighting at the funeral. Many overheard his mother blaming Colin’s father.”
“No one wants that on their shoulders. Maybe his father found out he was benched and gave him crap too. That he was a disappointment. Clay, let that toxic stuff go. It’s not healthy for you or anyone around you. Do you think your parents haven’t noticed it?”
“They have. For years. I hate that.”
“But it didn’t stop you from feeling this way. Why now after all this time did you open up to Ford? To me? I’m just curious.”
“So you can think more of yourself?”
She wouldn’t be hurt by those words. She heard the lightness in them. He was trying to joke, even if it wasn’t funny.
“We all want to feel big at some point.”
“I don’t know,” he said, his shoulders shrugged. “Not the exact moment. But I thought of what you’re going through. What you did when you found out about Fredrick? The things that have followed. You’re going on with life with no one knowing.”
“That’s not good either,” she said. “I had my breakdown last weekend.”
“And it led to this. So maybe it’s not a bad thing to let it out.”
If it was possible to fall in love with a person in a moment, she might have done it.
What he’d held in for two years, he’d told her as if she’d inspired him.
Never, in a million years, did she think she’d be someone to have an impact like that on a man’s life.
It was what she’d always wanted, but didn’t think it would happen.
“Not if the person you’re sharing it with will be there with you,” she whispered.
He kissed her on the head one more time, then rolled over.
They both had some thinking to do.
26
FEW STEPS BACK
Clay couldn’t believe he’d told Meredith about Colin last night.
She had the uncanny ability to get him to talk without trying.
She hadn’t made a joke or rubbed his face in the fact she could get him to open up where his family hadn’t.
