“Colin. He was cocky. Had a reason to be. He was good. But he was careless with the cockiness.”
She wanted to turn and watch his face while he talked, but he wouldn’t want her to.
He’d shut the light when he’d gotten back in bed, so it wasn’t as if she could see much anyway.
“Aside from the carelessness, you probably got along well, being cocky yourself.”
“Ford made a comment like that,” he said. “Colin was a good kid. But he took too much for granted. He was reckless. Put himself in harm’s way more than he should have.”
“Did he die?”
“He did.”
“Because he was reckless?”
“No,” he said. “He had demons. I guess we all do. His had more to do with not being perfect.”
She didn’t like where this was going. “He committed suicide, didn’t he?”
“Yes.”
Her hand was rubbing his arm. “And you’re blaming yourself because you think you should have noticed what no one else had?”
“A lot of us felt the same way,” he said. “Colin was good at hiding it. I reconciled that part of it as best I could.”
“Then what haven’t you reconciled?”
“He put himself in danger one night. Then went out and got drunk the following night celebrating. He felt if the mission was successful, it didn’t matter how it was done.”
Clay would never believe that. “That’s not true.”
“It’s not. You learn from everything, but Colin never did. He’s out drinking, running his mouth to people. Slipped and said something he shouldn’t have and it got back to our commanding officer. He was benched.”
“Yikes,” she said. “And he spiraled from that?”
“No. Or he was internally, but still going out and acting like he was right and the wrong was against him. I’d seen him out and gave him shit. He’d looked up to me like an older brother.For some reason, he listened when I said things more than others.”
“Because you wouldn’t yell, but tell him the way it was.”
“Yeah. He said I was the no bullshit guy on the team,” he said.
She smiled. That was how she thought of Clay Ridgeway. He said it the way it was, take it or leave it.
She was choosing to take it.
“I like you that way.”
“You didn’t before I got in your pants.”
“Don’t distract me,” she said, snuggling in some. His arm tightened slightly to hold her still. “You’ve come this far. You need to finish for you as much as for me.”
He kissed her head. Those soft actions she rarely saw coming always warmed her heart.
“I gave him a bunch of shit. Not yelling, but got in his face and told him the way he was acting was exactly why he got benched. He needed to be humble, not cocky. He needed to take orders and not give them. Not yet. If he could get it together, he’d be able to give orders himself at some point.”
“He had what it took to be a leader?”
“I don’t know. He thought he did. He was young. He had a lot to learn though.”
