“You don’t have to. You don’t have to carry this all by yourself. You’re so strong, but you can lean on me.”
She shook her head against his chest, her fingers curling into a fist around his shirt.
“Why won’t you touch me now? W-Why?”
He swallowed. “You’re in so much pain, Mae. I don’t want to add to that.”
“I’m fine. My body is okay.”
“You are so far from fine it’s noteven funny.”
She groaned, her face pressing even harder into Stone’s chest. And that’s when he heard her whispered confession. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
He reached up, his thumb catching under her chin to tilt her face up to his. “Mae, let me in. Do you think this isn’t killing me? Watching you push down all that pain. You aren’t dealing with things. You’re just running from them. I should have known that this is how tonight would end.”
“How tonight…” Horror etched across her features. “Are you embarrassed because I went out drinking?”
“No. Not at all. I’m upset that I didn’t see you were still in so much pain that you needed to numb it by drinking so much with the girls.”
“Drinking so much,” she scoffed, nothing but pain behind the sound. “I know how much I had. I let loose with my friends. I just didn’t want to feel…” she waved her hands around her head. “I didn’t want to feel all this. It’s too much. All day. Every day. The waiting and the wondering. The loss. The unknown of what’s to come. I hate it. I never really even thought about being pregnant before, and now that it was taken from me, it’s all I want. And I can’t even blame you for not wanting to go through it again with me because what if I’m broken? What if my body will never carry your child again, Stone? What if I can get pregnant, but never actually stay pregnant long enough for our child to make it into this world alive?”
He didn’t know how to respond. She’d done exactly what he asked. She’d completely opened up to him. Told her what she truly feared. And he just sat there, cradling her, running his hand up and down her back until her hands loosened a few minutes later. And before he could ask her to listen to him, she was pushing up out of his hold. Mae paused for a second, steadying herself on the sink before she charged out into the bedroom.
Stone jumped up, ignoring the throbbing in his head. And thank fuck he moved quickly, because as soon as he stepped into the bedroom, he saw Mae doubled over, hand over her eyes as her body swayed.
“Whoa!” His arms wrapped around her as he guided them both to the bed. Once he had her safely on the mattress, Stone dropped to his knees, his hands landing on her waist. “You’re not taking care of yourself, Mae. What can I do? How can I help?”
“Of course I’m not taking care of myself! When is there time for that? In between making sure your body and your mind are healing? How about while working myself to the bone so that I don’t have to spend any time in my own head where all I can think about is losing our baby and the lies that I have to keep telling you every day?”
Her eyes went wide as her hand slapped over her mouth.
“What lies?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m exhausted and I drank too much. I don’t feel good,” she whimpered. “I haven’t felt good in a long time, and I just…”
“Hey.” Stone pushed her hair over her shoulder. “It’s me. You don’t have to tell me lies to protect me. I want to carry all of this for you. The weight of everything. But since you’re just about as hard headed as you know your brother can be, why don’t you just unload that one burden on me. What are you lying to me about?”
Her eyes popped up, focusing on him. They stared at each other for so long he was sure she wasn’t going to say a word to him. But then, she sighed, shrugged her shoulders and winced.
“You didn’t choose me.”
The words slammed into him harder than any bullet could.
“What do you mean? I would always choose you, Mae. Iwant to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you…”
“We aren’t together any more.” She gasped as soon as the words finished leaving her mouth. Stone’s stomach pitched.
What the fuck? Did she think that her being overwhelmed at losing their baby was going to be something he couldn’t handle? That it would make him want to leave?
“Shh. I know it feels like we are broken, and that you turned me down about getting married right now, but we’ll find our way through this. We will, sweetheart.”
“No. Listen to me. The morning you were shot.” He watched the muscles in her throat work as she swallowed. “Everyone has told me not to tell you. Asked me to do this for you, because it’s best for your mind if you can remember things on your own, but it’s killing me, Stone. I hate that I still love you and this is just cruel. It’s torture pretending. I can’t… I can’t keep putting my needs last.”
His temples throbbed, the now familiar pressure growing sharp.
“You hate… I don’t understand? Tell me. Forget whatever anyone else told you about my memory. I want to know. What happened that morning?”
She looked up at him, her eyes shiny with tears, but so fucking lifeless it scared him. He wanted to shake her. To force her to say the words that were haunting her.
