“You told me to leave,” she whispered. “To never come back. I got down on my knees and begged, Stone. I begged for you to pick me over your need to absolve yourself of what happened while you were still serving. But you didn’t.”
“I don’t know what…”
“You chose to let me go, Stone. And I was so sick of fighting for us that I left. I told Hawk everything that happened between us. It wasn’t just a coincidence that he was out running that morning. He was looking for you. Probablyto beat the shit out of you even though I told him not to. But that’s why he was there. With you, after.”
“Christ. Mae… I don’t… that doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel like I would ever say those things to you. I love you.” Emotion burned in the back of his throat as tears filled his eyes. “I would do anything for you. I would do anything to take this pain from you. I don’t know who I was in that time that’s just gone from my mind, but I’m so clearly not him. I hate that I said those things to you and I can’t even remember why I would do it.”
Her face crumbled. “But you did. And I’ve been having to pretend that I wasn’t completely broken by it. Finding out I was pregnant gave me this hope that even if your memory came back, you would change your mind. You would choose me. Choose us. But losing the baby. I just… I can’t. My heart is crushed, but it wants me to be here. To be able to see that you are okay. To help you heal. And my head is screaming at me to get out and never come back because that’s what you told me you wanted before. I don’t know what to do. I can’t… I don’t want to stay here anymore. I need to go.” She nodded, his heart falling into the soles of his feet.
“No. Please.” His arms wrapped around her. “I know that’s a terrible thing to ask for, Mae, but there is absolutely no part of me that feels like breaking up is the right thing to do. I remember bickering. But this, no. I always knew we would figure it out. I love you. And I’ll fight for you. For us. I can’t think of a single reason why I would ever tell you to go.”
But it was there in her eyes. He could see it, clear as day. The one piece of information she wasn’t giving him. The one thing she was holding back.
“Tell me what you aren’t saying.”
She shook her head.
“I can see it in the way you are looking at me. Please. Tell me why?”
Mae sighed, her body relaxing into his hold. “You hurt me.”
“I can only imagine. And I’ll work every single day to be worthy of your forgiveness.” Her hand came up to cup his cheek, but she still just stared back at him.
“No. You hurt me. In your sleep. You were having a nightmare, and I tried to wake you up. You rolled on top of me and pinned my arms down while you were still sleeping.”
The room spun. He’dphysicallyhurt her. He’d hurt the woman he loved.
Instantly, his arms let go of her. He tipped his body back, trying to shield her from his presence as his feet tripped over themselves trying to get away from her. His ass slammed against the floor and he shoved backwards until his body rested against the wall. His palms came up to press against his eyes, the pain and pressure grounding him in the moment.
“What!? And you let me touch you again? You had to deal with me trying to give you comfort after my hands were used against you? My god, Mae. I… I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t remember. Ican’tremember it.” His hands came up to rake through his hair. “And now, I don’t know if I ever want to get those memories back, which makes me a coward.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she whispered. “I don’t know if I want you to have them back either. I just… it’s been like having the man I fell in love with back. I feel safe when you hold me, Stone.”
“Don’t go. Can we just… can we just get in bed and wait until morning? Can I just hold you and we’ll let things settle?”
Mae nodded, flopping back onto the mattress while Stone walked around to his side of the bed. As soon as he situated her under the cover, his arms wrapped around her waist, and he pulled her in tightly against his chest.
“I’m so sorry, Mae. We’re going to figure this out. It’s all going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”
Twenty-Two
It was as if the universe was slapping her in the face. The foreboding sense of deja-vu weighed heavy against Mae’s heart as she struggled to get her key in the lock to her apartment with Hawk.
It was the same teary-eyed walk, but at least she was the one who had made the decision this time. It took everything in her to lay next to Stone, pretending to be asleep in his arms, until he fell asleep, too. In all honesty, she had probably fallen asleep for a short time too. But when her stomach lurched, and her eyes popped back open, she knew she needed to leave.
Mae groaned as she finally got the damn key to turn and the door opened. She padded into the living room, then the kitchen, searching through the cupboards for her favorite mug. The silly ceramic cat that had the cutest little vampire fangs. Emma had gifted it to her, and Mae knew it would be the perfect vessel to drink from while she sat and turned on some trashy TV.
Mae reached up into the cupboard, her hand hooking the handle of the mug.
“I’m close. I’m so close, Chief. Don’t you dare stop fucking me just… like… that!”
Oh god. No! No, no, no, no. Hawk had a girl in their apartment and he was… oh god. Her brother was fucking someone in his room. And it wasn’t just someone… Mae recognized the voice.
She needed to get out of there. She had to go someplace… god, she needed some air!
Mae grabbed her phone off the counter and tiptoed out of the apartment. Hawk had promised her he wouldn’t bring a girl home while they lived together! God, she was going to rip him up one side and down the other in the morning… Mae’s heart sank as she pressed the button to call up the elevator. Of course he brought a girl there. She was supposed to be living with Stone.
Mae punched the guest code into the door and stumbled out onto the sidewalk. The last thing she wanted was Gage getting a notification and coming after her. Let him think it was just Hawk’s bed buddy making her great escape.
