“But you’re hurt, too. You shouldn’t…” she winced as a deep ache rolled through her belly. She’d never been in labor before, but she knew it had to in some way feel like what she was going through.
They weren’t normal cramps. They shook the very root of her existence. They called to some primal part of her soul that knew she was experiencing a pain as old as mankind itself. She’d been inducted into an eternal, celestial sisterhood of loss through blood and sweat and more tears than she ever thought possible. A sisterhood of hope and heartbreak.
And her body knew. Even in the freshness of their loss, she knew. Her body would remember that soul-shattering pain for the rest of her life. “I should take care of it.” Mae swiped a fresh tear from her face.
“I’m fine. Remember? Moving around is part of my rehab. And since you don’t want to go to the hospital, I need you to rest.”
Mae nodded, letting Stone lead her to the large hope chest at the bottom of the bed. They’d picked it out together nearly a year before on a day trip to Lark Lake, her initials carved into the top with his, surrounded by dozens of intricate flowers. She sat, her fingers tracing over the carved pattern while Stone moved almost silently aroundher, until another cramp started to take hold of her empty womb.
She tried to breathe through it, tried to hide the pain ripping her apart from the inside out. To know there was no purpose in the pain felt incredibly cruel. The contractions weren’t bringing her child, healthy and full term, into the world. They were destroying the safe home her body had tried to build for the baby. And what purpose did the stinging, salty tears running down her face possess? Nothing. They weren’t making her feel any better. They weren’t washing away the emptiness that felt like it might swallow her whole. Once the ache started deep in her center, radiating its painful spindles out to every cell in her body, she couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped as it nearly drowned her.
Mae pressed her hand to her belly as she shut her eyes. God, she just wanted to go back to sleep. She’d barely been in that blissful twilight when the pains from earlier had come back, only a million times worse. And now, she’d only get a few hours before she had to be back awake for work…
“Are you sure you don’t want to at least call your doctor? They have to have some sort of late night number for… when this…”
She forced her eyes open at his question, shocked to see the worry and vulnerability written on Stone’s face as he looked at her from across the bed.
“Why? They didn’t know. I was irresponsible. I didn’t go,” Mae groaned, the pain releasing its hold on her. “It’s my fault. Isn’t it?” She bit down hard on her bottom lip. “That’s why this happened? If I’d gone in, they would have been able to see something was wrong on my blood test… or an ultrasound. They would have been able to stop this.”
“No.” Stone straightened, the last corner of the fresh fitted sheet tucked under the mattress. He walked right to her, dropping to his knees before he scooped up her hands, pressing akiss against her wrist. “These things just happen. This wasn’t because you did anything wrong. Or because it was something that could have been prevented. I think it just wasn’t meant to be.”
She nodded, fresh tears blurring her vision.
“Not meant to be,” she whispered his words back to him as Stone helped her stand and led her over to the freshly made bed.
“I wish I could carry you. I’m sorry, Mae. So unbelievably sorry that you were all on your own with this. That my recovery made it so you had no support before tonight.”
Stone pulled the comforter over her and she snuggled down. She watched, through watery, blurred vision, as he moved around the room. To get the heating pad. To plug it in and situate it across her belly. To bring a drink to her. To turn off the lights and crawl into bed next to her.
Mae curled in around herself, as if that could stop the wound in her soul from growing. She felt the bed dip, Stone’s arms cradling her gently.
“Talk to me. Please don’t hold it in.”
“Don’t you hate me? I kept this from you. You only had a few hours of knowing?—”
“No.” His voice was steady. Sure in his answer. And that, somehow, loosened the tightness in her chest just a fraction. “I don’t. That’s not something I could ever feel towards you. The moments we shared tonight, dreaming about what life would be like with our child, it’s the happiest I’ve ever felt in my life. But now, I’m worried. I’m scared that something is going to happen to you, and I would feel better if you let me take you to the hospital.”
“I can’t?—”
Stone tightened his hold of her. “I understand. I’m not going to force you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. I’ll watch over you tonight, like you did for me all those nightsin the hospital. I’ll make sure nothing happens until we can see your doctor in the morning.” He cupped her cheek, rolling her face towards his. Then his fingers moved, brushing her hair back off her forehead. “You’ll let me call in a few hours, won’t you? To get you an appointment?”
“I can call. And I can go by myself. You’re not supposed to be stressed. I messed up… I shouldn’t have told you. Dr. Anderson told us to not make any big life decisions right now.”
“Michaela.” She rolled, so they were both now cocooning the space where their child should still have been growing. “You have to stop trying to handle everything on your own for me. And Dr. Anderson was talking about buying a car… a house even. Not this. I should have been there to help you. When you got sick… I should have known to make you rest. I’m not going to break. I’m not going to die.”
“But you did.” Her lip trembled. “When Hawk found you. You were dying, Stone. I spent days thinking our baby would grow up without you. I never thought we would grow old without them.”
Mae reached out for him, careful not to rest against the spots still healing in his chest and his stomach. Stone’s hand cupped her belly, slipping under the band of the sweatpants she was wearing to rest on her hip, as he slowly moved his thumb in comforting circles.
“Don’t cry,” she whispered, hoping he could hear how much it shattered her to see him that way. “I’ll be fine.”
Stone just shook his head back and forth, his eyes never leaving hers, not even as the tears spilled over his lashes, running down neck onto his bare chest. “We don’t have to talk about it any more. I’m not upset with you. I’m furious at myself for not seeing what was happening. I love you, Mae. I just want you to be okay.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.
“I kept having this dream,” she whispered.
“What was it?” Stone asked, the rhythmic movement of his fingers pushing her towards sleep.
“I kept seeing her in a little dance studio. Maybe one in our house some day. There was just this vision of us together, with a little girl twirling around in her tutu at our feet.”
