Lily huffs, wiping her arm across her forehead. It leaves a streak of chocolate. I open my mouth to say something when I catch the slight shake of Sparrow’s head. Our friend makes her way around the counter and sits beside me, after making a great effort to get onto the stool. When most of her weight is supported, she grins at me like she’s proud of herself.
“Okay, Ives, give me the scoop,” Lily says. “I need news. Fill my head with some sort of intel that isn’t about the terrifying process of giving birth or the fear that my child may hate chocolate.”
I laugh. “Impossible.”
Lily shrugs, Sparrow giggles, and I’m faced with the power of these two friends giving me all their attention.
“It’s about . . . Jace.”
Sparrow clasps her hands together with excitement, leaning her chin on them with a smile. Lily squeals.
“Yes, girl! That man is so fine he could melt sugar without a flame. A proper crème brûlée, I’m sure of it.” Lily stares dreamily at the ceiling before turning back to me.
I chuckle. “That makes no sense.”
“Look, he’s in no way for me. I’m a happily married woman who goes home to a generous lawyer who is the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life, but I can still call it like it is. Jace could lift you with one arm. He could probably—and most lovingly—toss you across the room without breaking a sweat.”
“Lily!” Sparrow scoffs.
“I’m talking about dance things, dance-related things,” Lily defends, shooting me a wink.
My embarrassment is swallowed up in amusement. “He is quite tall, isn’t he?” I say it just to provoke Lily further.
“Girl, Gladys was in here with your gram the other day, and she had herself a party with the number of photos she’s gotten of him around town! She claims she’s trying to calculate if he’s too tall for her annual calendar of the men of Birch Borough. She said she needed to make sure she could fit a lot of him on the page. She also asked if he liked puppies. Is he allergic to anything that you know of?”
Sparrow’s mouth hangs open while I snort and cover my mouth. We’re all laughing when the door opens. Rafe and Graham walk in together.
“Speaking of handsome men,” Sparrow nearly sings as Rafe ignores us to hop and slide over the counter, wrapping Sparrow up in his arms. They hold each other like they haven’t seen each other in years and didn’t just eat lunch together a few hours ago. I know they saw each other today because Rafe was holding a pizza box when he walked by my studio earlier, and, as expected, he was moving in the direction of Sparrow’s Beret.
After an exchange of whispers in French and a soft kiss on her cheek, he turns to us, Sparrow tucking herself under his arm with a content look on her face. Meanwhile, Graham has perched himself on the stool beside Lily, his hand already resting on her stomach and his eyes misty. The love in the air is palpable. I swallow back the emotion it triggers. As sweet as the scene is, I feel like my own thoughts and life are currently in pieces.
It’s like everything has descended upon me all at once this season. The list goes on and on. I need the sets to look extra amazing this year. I’m actually not afraid of accomplishing that now that Jace is working on them. But I also need the performance to go well, I need scholarships to be donated for my students, and perhaps most of all, I need to feel a reprieve from the loneliness that seems to haunt me when I’m in the middle of a room full of people. When he returned to Birch Borough, I hada wild moment of hope that Jace could fill that void. Perhaps he was sent to me to be my Christmas miracle. But if he’s not able to go all in or unable to tell me the whole truth about what we are or could be to each other, I’m not sure I can risk my heart either.
As I watch my friends, I realize I don’t want their lives. I just want a love of my own. And since that fateful night eight years ago, only Jace fits my vision of an ideal man. Even if he does act like a grumpy Beast in the castle sometimes.
“Where’s your guy, Ivy?” Rafe asks kindly, with no hint of teasing in his tone.
“Oh, we’re not. Well, kind of . . . or at least, I had hoped, but I don’t know if it’s meant to be.”
Graham’s brows furrow. “If that’s true, I’m not certain Jace knows it.”
“What do you mean?” My voice emerges far breathier than I’d like, but it’s honest.
All four of my friends look at me with a mix of amusement and genuine concern.
“I’m pretty sure the man would walk through fire for you,” Lily adds.
“I thought he was the one making fires?” I retort with a grin.
“What’s this about fires?” Graham says. Lily hooks an arm around him to nestle his face near her neck. She pats his beard.
“Don’t worry, darling. I’m only encouraging young love.”
He grins and nestles into her neck with a smile, not moving, as if he could stay in her embrace for a long time and never complain. The sight makes something in me ache.
“Ivy, do you like him?” Rafe questions again, his curiosity and the hint of his French accent making him an unassuming confidant.
“Of course I do. And the truth is, we actually met years ago, before he had Emmy.” My friends focus their whole attention on me and wait for me to continue. I love them for it. “He’s . . .different now.” What I don’t tell them is that I’ve felt a certain kind of hollow ever since we missed our chance all those years ago.
