Kendra remains silent, eyeing me up and down.
Fuck. They aren’t going to help me.
I sigh, shaking my head as I turn on my heel — bringing her contact up on my phone again.
“Nick!” Kendra yells. I toss her a look over my shoulder and see sympathy in her eyes. When I turn around to face her one more time, she motions me to come over, and I oblige — praying they tell me she’s in the bathroom or something, that she’ll walk out and look at me with those soft, amber eyes.
“She changed her flight at the last minute,” Kendra explains. “She’s going to North Carolina.”
My heart jumps at the prospect of being one step closer to finding her, and that she decided to go spend Christmas with her family.
That’s my girl…I hope.
I walk halfway across the airport to the gate for the North Carolina flight, but as I approach, the deserted seats inspire a wave of dread through my body. I slump into one of the chairs, prop my elbows up on my knees.
I’m too late.
I was moving in such a hurry that I didn’t bother to check the time of the flight. The flight that departed fifteen minutes ago. I release a deep, defeated breath, finally hitting the call button under her name.
It rings once before going to voicemail.
I try again.
Voicemail.
She’s probably already in airplane mode or out of reach to receive cell service.
I call one more time, and this time, when it goes to voicemail, I say all the things I should have said when I had her in my arms.
Krystal
The pitter-patter of feet in the hallway outside my door wakes me up. I tried to get a hotel room last night, but they insisted I take the spare room in Grandma’s house. Despite my protest, despite my baby cousin having to move her things into her sister’s room, they insisted. I’ll be surprised if they ever let me go back to New York.
A smile breaches my lips at the thought. It feels good to know my presence has been missed. Rae almost ruptured my eardrum, screaming with delight when I told her I was changing my flight.
I wasn’t going to punish myself by spending today alone. I’m done punishing myself for things that are out of my control. Done punishing myself, ever, for any reason.
I unlock my phone, stare at the voicemail I’ve yet to listen to from Nick.
There are a thousand things I want to hear him say…but knowing he could just leave like that…makes me feel childish for hoping he’ll say them in the first place. Still, I’ll never forgive myself if he proves me wrong…if what happened between us was as real as I thought it was…if he feels about me how I feel about him.
My heart plummets as I stare down at the message. My chest expands with a deep inhale, and with shaky hands, I press play.
“Snowflake,” his voice crackles through the speaker, and tears spring from the corners of my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
I pause the recording, swipe the tears that stream down my face as I take shaky breaths.
After a beat, I find the courage to press play again.
“I shouldn’t have left. I just,” he sighs. “I couldn’t give you the chance to leave me behind. I couldn’t accept a world where you say you don’t want more of me, of us. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me now, and I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to fix it sooner…there’s so much I left unsaid. My only regret about this trip was not saying the things I’m about to say to you in person. I won’t say I love you, because I’m not sure you’ll believe me.”
I stop the recording. My heart hammers behind my ribcage. My breath is caught in my chest. I give myself a moment to calm down again before listening to the rest of the voicemail.
“Iwillsay that I love your smile. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you laugh. I love your sharpness and your wit. I love how you give pieces of yourself away without wanting anything in return. I love how you see the beauty in others, even when you’re struggling to see the beauty in yourself. I love how gentle you are, how considerate. I love your long legs and your soft skin. I love your pretty, brown eyes. I love your openness. I love spending time with you. I love…everything. I love everything.”
Static leaks through the speaker to signal the silence on the line. Then, he says, “Merry Christmas, Krystal.”
I press the phone against my chest, flopping back into the soft bed.
