And the decision had tormented him for years.
Anger flashed in her eyes and she straightened, stalking towards him.“Youdidput me through that.I mourned you, Ethan.I questioned my own worth.I thought myself unloveable by any man.It took me years to work up the courage to go on a date.I was alone.”She poked him in the chest.“You did that to me by leaving with no explanation.”
Horror filled him.“No, it wasn’t meant to be like that.”
She threw her hands up in disbelief.“What the hell did you expect?We’d been planning a life together and suddenly you were leaving and didn’t want to stay in touch.What was I supposed to take from it?I was eighteen, in love, and I had been rejected by every man in my life, including you.”
Oh shit.She was right.What a stupid kid he’d been.Chelsea had told him she was the result of her mother’s affair with a married man.The man had never acknowledged Chelsea’s existence.Then she’d been excited about getting to know Ezra, but he hadn’t been interested in a father-daughter relationship with her.And there Ethan was, adding to her list of shit-for-brains men in her life.
Agony ripped through him and he reached to pull her into his arms, but she stepped away, moving to put the table between them.
He rubbed his chest, her rejection wounding him almost as much as the tsunami had.
Was the fear of it why he really walked away all those years ago?
“I’m so sorry, Chels.I didn’t think.”No, he’d used excuses to protect himself from the inevitable rejection he’d expected.If he’d been strong enough to think it through rationally, or brave enough to discuss his fears with her, they would have worked things out.God, what an idiot he’d been.
He took a cautious step forward.“I never wanted to hurt you.I only wanted what was best for you.It killed me to walk away.You were the first person I’d ever loved.”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”She strode away from the kitchen into the living area and Ethan followed.“You threw away everything we had together without even having the decency to discuss it with me?Yougot to decide what was best for me?”
He stared at her helplessly.In hindsight he saw what a terrible decision it was.“I was a kid who’d never loved before, Chels.I wanted to save you from a life of disappointment.”He sighed.“I’m so sorry.”
Chelsea stopped pacing and took three deep breaths.Then she shook herself, as if shaking away her agitation.When she looked at him, she was calm, as if a mask had slotted over her face.She gave an embarrassed smile.“I don’t know why I’m so worked up.All this happened more than a decade ago.”She waved her hand.“Water under the bridge.Thank you for explaining.Obviously it was still weighing on me.”A short, humourless laugh.“Why don’t you go back to the cottage and I’ll finish cleaning up and join you in a minute?”
She brushed past him on her way back to the kitchen and he grabbed hold of her arm.“Wait.”
She looked at him with her forest green eyes, and he saw his world.
Nothing had changed in his circumstances, but he couldn’t let her go a second time.Not without trying.
“What, Ethan?”
He swallowed.“Maybe you got so worked up because you’re feeling the same emotions as me.”
She raised an eyebrow.“Which are?”
Yeah, he deserved to be the one who laid it all on the line first this time around.“Attraction, longing, the excruciating ache of wondering what we would have been like if I hadn’t been such a dumb-ass.”
Her lips quirked up for a second.
“Maybe it’s being back in Lilydale together, but I’ve thought about you so often over the years.Leaving you is my one regret.”
She shifted, moving ever so slightly closer to him.
Keep talking.Somehow he’d gone from not wanting to get involved to not wanting her to leave in a blink of an eye.“We were good together, Chels.We had a connection and understood each other in a way I’ve never felt with anyone else.”He paused.“I think the connection is still there.”
Chelsea pursed her lips, thinking things through.“We’re different people now.”It wasn’t an argument, simply a statement of fact.
He nodded.“Hopefully a little wiser along with the older.”
“We live in different states.”
Ethan raised his eyebrows.“Are you planning to return to Sydney when Lilydale is done?”
She shrugged.“Restoring Lilydale might fail.”
He almost laughed.“With the two of us working on it, we can make anything succeed.”It sounded trite, but he believed it.They both had the passion and drive to restore Lilydale and after seeing Chelsea’s lists, and project plan, if she couldn’t do it, then no one could.
