She ducked under his arm and strode back to the kitchen, breathing hard.
Chapter 11
Ethan’s heart pounded as he let Chelsea escape to the kitchen while he stood frozen with the video camera in his hand.
What the hell was he thinking?
He’d almost kissed Chelsea, and that would have been a big mistake.
Huge.
He wasn’t getting involved with her.
But his body hated him right now.It screamed that the mistake he’d made wasnotkissing her.And a large part of his mind was on its side.
Ethan exhaled quietly, letting his heart rate return to normal.He didn’t want to face Chelsea, but he could hardly stay here forever.
He returned to the kitchen where Chelsea was pacing from the kitchen table to the sink and back again.Her whole posture stiffened further when he entered the room and she glanced at him, turmoil on her face and then away again.
Shit.He’d put that expression there.He placed the video camera on the table and opened his mouth to apologise when Chelsea said, “What was that?”She waved her hand towards the laundry.“Why were you going to kiss me?”
Ethan didn’t have a good answer.He rubbed the back of his head.“Sorry, Chels.I guess it was kind of habit.You felt good pressed against me, and…” And what?He desperately wanted to feel her lips against his again.He couldn’t say that.
If anything her expression became more devastated.She stopped pacing.“Was that all it ever was for you?”Her voice was soft.“Just physical?”
“No!”How could she even ask that?What they’d had was the most important relationship of his life.
“What was it then?”she demanded.
“You were my everything.”The words came out before he considered the consequences.
Her face screwed up in confusion.“Then why did you leave me?”
There it was.All the hurt from the past written on her face.She wasn’t as dismissive of their time together as she’d pretended to be.
Still he hesitated.If he told her the truth, she might hate him.He’d never been good enough for her, but she’d been too young to realise it.
The unworthiness stabbed him in the chest and scrabbled to take control of his senses.He stepped back, battling the strength of it, feeling almost as if he was back in the tsunami again, helpless to control it.
He sucked in a breath as he fought not to show the turmoil rushing through him.
Chelsea shook her head.“Never mind.”She turned around and the panic intensified.
He could practically hear Mila challenging him to be vulnerable.
“Because you deserved so much better than me.”
She turned back, frowning.“What?”
“The army was my only choice after I turned eighteen.I couldn’t afford any other career path because I had no money for food, accommodation, or transport.”His foster parents had already told him he had to move out on the day he turned eighteen.
Chelsea nodded.“I know.We discussed it.I supported your choice.”
“But you didn’t know the reality.All you wanted was a stable family, a partner who was always there for you.I couldn’t give you that.I’d be deployed for months at a time and you would be left on your own, having to do everything yourself, just like your mother had to.”
Incredulity crossed her face.“What I wanted was you.I could have handled months on my own as long as I knew you were coming back to me.”
He shook his head.“But I might not have.I always had my sights set on Special Forces.Any one of my missions could have been my last.I almost died in the damn tsunami.”He gestured to his hips.“You would have been left alone.I loved you too much to put you through that.”
