Sunday, 12 March. The day of the crash.
So that was why I was on a train on a Sunday morning.
‘Of course,’ I said. What else could I have said?
Besides, there were so many things I could do to avoid that particular train if I chose to listen to Emma’s warning. Get an earlier train. Get a later one. Drive, take a bus. It would be fine.
When the day arrived I got up and dressed. I packed my rucksack and left the house, planning to catch an earlier train. Surely that would shift the narrative enough to change whatever was about to happen?
But, halfway to the station I stopped dead, inexplicably. It was as though an invisible force had physically stopped me from going any further, and my legs just wouldn’t take me there. I perched on a nearby wall and took a couple of deep breaths. Was I being stupid, considering getting onanytrain this morning?No matter my views on interfering with the future, Emma had sent me a warning for a reason.
Was I a fool to even consider ignoring her?
I sat there for ten minutes trying to decide what to do. The train I was planning to catch left, and I knew I wasn’t going to go. I stood and hurried back to my house and climbed into bed.
A text from Andy came through at 8.52a.m.
Andy
Give Grandad my love, he seemed a bit better yesterday.
Nick
Sorry I’m ill today so I haven’t gone. Don’t want to give Grandad anything. I’ll pop and see him tomorrow instead.
Andy
FFS, Nick, Mum only asked you for one thing. You need to pull yourself together.
‘Fuck you!’ I screamed into the air, then I popped a couple of sleeping pills and pulled the duvet over my head.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I picked it up and saw Amanda’s name on it. Half-asleep, I answered it and put her on speaker phone.
‘Hello?’
But she didn’t say anything and for a minute I wondered whether she’d hung up before I answered. But the call was still connected. And then I heard it; a strange, strangled sound.
‘Amanda, are you there?’ I sat up, my head pounding.
She made a sound but there were no clear words. And then I heard one:
‘Andy.’
My stomach plummeted. Suddenly, I was agonisingly, terrifyingly alert.
‘Amanda, has something happened?’
‘Andy… hospital… train… news…’ The words came out in gasps as though she couldn’t catch her breath. Heart thudding, I clambered across the bed and snatched the remote from the bedside table and switched on the TV. Images of a mangled train filled the screen, a ticker-tape of doom racing across the bottom and a reporter standing near the scene.
The train I was supposed to get on.
A sense of dread filled me as I said the next words, ice filling my veins.
‘Amanda, did Andy get on the train this morning?’
‘Yes. He said he was going to see your grandad again because you couldn’t. I… I can’t get hold of him.’ The words were more a strangled sob, and in that second my world fell apart.
Angry with me, Andy had gone to see Grandad instead of me.
