I didn’t argue, and as I watched her make scrambled egg and toast some bread I tried to calm my heart.
Rachel was right. Flynn and I were just fine. He was already six years old and as much as I would love him to know his daddy, I had no idea whether Nick would want to meet him even if he did survive the crash. I just knew that, whatever happened, I would give Flynn the best life I could. That was all that mattered.
Somehow the next hour passed. We ate eggs, which felt like chewing fuzzy felts, and forced down more coffee.
10a.m. arrived. Almost time.
I stared at the laptop, paralysed, my throat thick with fear.
10.05 a.m.
A bit longer.
10.08 a.m.
The time the trains collided.
I looked at Rachel. She was studying me and gave me a small nod. I pulled the laptop closer and opened it with shaking hands.
Clicking on the news sites I’d left open, I skimmed over the now-familiar details on the BBC, the Guardian,The Times: ‘two trains collided just outside Euston at 10.08a.m.… emergency services were on the scene within minutes… rescue operation took days…’
All archived stories, all so familiar to me I could have recited them off by heart.
Then I took a deep breath and pressed ‘refresh’.
As the words in front of me swam into focus, my breath caught in my chest.
I leaned closer, my whole body shaking, and read the words again.
Then I looked up at Rachel.
‘The headline’s changed,’ I whispered.
‘What? What does it say?’ She scooted round and leaned towards the screen.
Then together, we read the story, now changed from the familiar one we’d read so many times over the last seven years.
No longer did it say ‘popular teacher dies in Euston train crash’.
Now, it read: ‘Popular family man dies in Euston train crash’.
And below it, was a picture of someone else.
Someone familiar.
The air was knocked from me as realisation hit me.
It was Andrew Flynn.
Nick’s brother had died instead.
30
NICK
A few days before the 12 of March, my mum rang.
‘Your grandad’s been taken to hospital with pneumonia,’ she said. ‘I don’t like to leave him on his own but I’m away this weekend. Your brother said he’d go on Saturday, so would you pop to see him on Sunday?’
