I froze, my breath caught in my throat, as I realised the significance of what she was saying. She was talking about Dawn and Nick.
‘That’s very sad,’ I said, my throat tight.
‘It really was. I chatted to him occasionally while she was ill, and I know how much they wanted a baby. But it wasn’t meant to be.’ She shook her head. ‘So yes, it’s been a while since a child lived here.’
I didn’t know what to say. It was as though the past had come crashing into the present, and Nick’s presence was right there. I wouldn’t have been surprised to turn round and find him standing right behind me.
‘Well, I’d better get to work,’ I said.
‘Of course, you go. But I mean it. If you ever need anything, just let me know, all right?’
‘Thank you.’ Then before she could say any more and before my legs collapsed beneath me, I let myself into the house and closed the door.
The conversation with my neighbour played on my mind all day, through meetings and phone calls and conversations with colleagues, my mind kept wandering back to it. I don’t know why it freaked me out so much – I knew Nick and Dawn had lived in this house before me. But somehow, hearing about them from someone else had made it all more real.
Finally, it was time to pick Flynn up from school, and I had an idea of something I wanted to do this afternoon.
The sun was still warm by the time I skidded through the front gates a few minutes late, and Flynn raced out and threw himself at my legs the moment he saw me. I lifted him up and planted kisses on his face.
‘Hello, gorgeous, have you had a good day?’ I said, as he wriggled in my arms.
‘Can we go to the park?’
‘Maybe.’ He had a smudge of ink on his cheek and I rubbed at it, but it wouldn’t budge. ‘Have you been drawing again?’ I asked as I lowered him to the ground and took hold of his hand we started walking towards the gates.
‘Yes! I done one for you.’ He bent down, carefully unzipped his rucksack, and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. My heart thumped as I turned it over to look at it, terrified it was going to be a repeat of the drawing Miss Hardcastle had shown me this morning. But it wasn’t.
‘It’s super,’ I said. ‘Is this grass?’ I said, pointing at a stripe of green scribble along one edge of the page.
‘No, it’s mud, Mummy,’ he said, as though I should have known. I smiled.
‘Of course it is. So, this must be our house then?’ I said, pointing at the strange shape in the middle.
‘No, Mummy,’ he said, sighing dramatically. ‘It’s ourcar.’
I laughed. The car I’d bought was an old red Vauxhall Corsa, which had seen better days but had enough room to fit a pram and buggy in the back and had been all I could afford after Flynn was born. The one Flynn had drawn didn’t look far off it. ‘It’s brilliant, sweetheart,’ I said. ‘Do you want to put it back in your bag until we get home so it doesn’t get ruined?’
‘Okay,’ he said, and we waited while he carefully folded his drawing and pushed it back inside his rucksack. I took the bag from him and grasped hold of his hand.
‘Please can we go to the park?’
‘Go on then,’ I said, smiling. He clearly wasn’t going to give up on the idea.
‘Yay!’ He bounced up and down, tugging on my arm until it felt like it might come right out of its socket. ‘And can we have ice cream?’
‘Now you’re pushing your luck, mister,’ I said.
‘Pleeeease, Mummy,’ he pleaded.
‘Fine. But this is the only time this week, okay?’
‘Okay!’
It didn’t take us long to get to the park, Flynn dragging me there excitedly. When we got to the little playpark he raced ahead and ran straight up to the slide. He was halfway up the ladder by the time I caught up.
‘Be careful,’ I said, as he whizzed down the slide. He stood and ran straight back round to the steps again. I went over to the bench and sat down.
I could see the bandstand from here, and I thought about the day I’d pointed out this playground to Nick, and he’d said he couldn’t see it. That was the day we’d begun to realise what was going on between us. It felt like a lifetime ago, and yet also like yesterday.
