‘It’s not your fault. I just want… I want to do all the things people do when they first meet. I want to kiss you. I want to talk on the phone for hours. I want to go on a date.’
‘Then you should.’
‘What?’
His gaze burned into me as though he was searching deep inside my soul. I wondered what he would see there. ‘You should do all of those things. You deserve all of those things.’
I stared at him. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m saying that you should go on dates with other people. You should find someone who can make you happy. You deserve that.’
I felt as though the air had been sucked from me. ‘Is that what you want me to do?’
‘It’s not what I want for me. But it’s what I want for you, yes.’
I snatched my hand away and tucked it beneath my thigh. I watched a bird fly from a nearby bush and land on the metal railings beside me. It stared at me for a moment, then flew away.I turned back to Nick. ‘But I’m falling in love with you,’ I said, my voice quiet.
I hadn’t planned to say it, but once it was out there I knew it was true. Iwasfalling in love with this man, and it was killing me.
He didn’t reply and I felt my face burn. Had I got this totally wrong? Was he about to get up and walk away and never come back to this place again? Should I laugh, pretend it was a joke, or?—
‘Emma?’
I looked up. Nick was watching me. ‘Sorry, did you say something?’
A smile spread across his lips. ‘I said I’m falling in love with you too.’
‘You are?’
‘Yes. But?—’
‘No. No buts. Buts are never good.’
He shook his head. ‘I know. I never imagined loving anyone again after Dawn. But—’ he gave me a look ‘—you know this is impossible, right?We’reimpossible.’
I blinked, my eyes burning, and sniffed. Of course I knew that. Of course I hadn’t imagined that he might say he’d found another way for us to be together, that somehow he’d unlocked the secret that no scientist has previously been able to unlock. That would be crazy.
‘I know,’ I said, my voice cracking.
I knew it, and yet I didn’t want to believe it.
8
NICK
It’s one thing doing the right thing. It’s entirely another thing to like it.
‘But you’ve only just met this girl,’ Andy said.
‘I know.’
I couldn’t even explain to myself the connection I felt when I was with Emma after just two weeks of knowing her, so how could I begin to explain it to Andy, or anyone else? It wasn’t at all surprising that he couldn’t understand how wretched I felt about telling Emma she should date other people – especially as he still seemed to believe she was some sort of liar or con artist.
‘Well, I think it’s a good thing.’ He plonked a mug of strong tea in front of me and sat down. I’d come immediately to Andy’s after leaving Emma. I hadn’t wanted to leave her, but we couldn’t stay in the bandstand forever and eventually it had started to get too cold for both of us. I’d felt bereft the moment we stepped off the wooden platform and she disappeared as though she had never even been there at all. I’d needed someone to talk to, and Andy was always the person I turned to, even if he wasn’t the most romantic person in the world. He understood me. And he understood how sad I’d been for the last two years.
‘It doesn’t feel like a good thing,’ I said, taking a sip of the scalding-hot tea he’d made me.
He didn’t get a chance to reply before the door flew open and a bundle of energy flew into the room.
