‘Mum would never have hurt you.’
‘Not deliberately. But your mother would have left me in a heartbeat if Johnny had ever come back on the scene, and I always knew that. Baby or no baby. I never stopped believing that.’
‘Oh Dad.’ I squeezed his hands and took a deep breath, thinking about Greg and how he’d said the same to me over the years. ‘Do you – do you ever think she made the wrong decision?’
He looked up at me, his eyes filled with pain. ‘Honestly? Sometimes I do. I mean, I would have been heartbroken if she had chosen him over me. But if she hadn’t have fallen ill, I’m not sure we would have made it to old age together. I think she was always waiting for a time to leave.’
‘To look for Johnny?’
‘Maybe. But not necessarily. Maybe just to look for that sort of love again.’
I stared at my father for a moment. This old man in front of me had surprised me today. He’d never talked to me this way before, and quite honestly, I hadn’t expected anything from him when I came here. But now he’d told me this I felt I knew him better. I also felt as though I wanted to wrap my arms around him and protect him.
‘Do you want to go and see her?’
Dad looked up at me in bewilderment. ‘See who, love?’
‘Mum.’
He waited so long before replying that I began to wonder whether he’d even heard me. There was a look in his eyes that I couldn’t read. And then he nodded his head.
‘Do you know what, I’d love to.’ He rubbed his neck. ‘When?’
I shrugged. ‘We could go now, if you like?’
‘Could we?’
‘Let me just ring Suzy, make sure it’s okay, but if it is then why not? I haven’t got any other plans today.’
Besides, I wasn’t keen on going home straight away anyway. I wasn’t sure what that said about the state of things at home. I left the room and rang Suzy’s number.
‘Do you think she’ll be pleased to see me?’ Dad’s voice trembled as we pulled into the driveway and I swivelled my head to look at him. He’d been silent all the way here and I was beginning to think I’d made a huge mistake by suggesting this trip.
‘I’m sure she will Dad,’ I said.
He nodded and said no more until we’d parked and were standing outside the front door of the care home. ‘Ready?’ I hooked my arm through his and felt him trembling.
‘Ready.’
I pushed the door open and made my way along the familiar corridor towards Mum’s room. Suzy wasn’t around this morning but she’d told me it was all right to bring Dad, so we didn’t wait around. As we reached Mum’s door, I felt Dad’s grip on my arm tighten.
I knocked gently. No answer. I pushed the door gently and peered round. Mum was sitting in her armchair, eyes closed, gently snoring.
‘Come on,’ I said, tugging Dad’s hand and leading him inside. I perched on the edge of Mum’s bed and left the other chair for Dad, but when I turned back he was standing stock still in the middle of the room, staring at Mum. His eyes glistened with tears.
‘You okay Dad?’ I said, my voice low.
He looked at me and smiled sadly. ‘She looks so peaceful when she’s asleep, doesn’t she? Just like the old Penny.’
I followed Dad’s gaze back towards Mum. Her mouth was slack, but her whole face looked more relaxed, her skin less tight, the lines and wrinkles smoothed with the sedative of sleep. ‘She really does,’ I said.
He sat down and we stayed quiet for a few minutes, waiting to see whether Mum would wake up. Slowly, her eyelids began to flutter and she opened them and peered round the room. Her gaze landed on Dad first.
‘Hello Michael love,’ she said, her words slurred but the recognition instant. She sat up straight and smoothed her skirt down over and over.
‘Hello Penny,’ he said, leaning over and reaching for her hand. She let him, and their hands hung, slack, between the two chairs. The love in their eyes was plain to see, and, satisfied Mum was content in Dad’s presence, I stood.
‘I’ll just go for a walk,’ I said. ‘Give you some space.’
